loving you

mr

2006-11-12T21:47:00.000+08:00

my a's is screwed
i think i will get crap results
but in any case
i know its my fault for not studying hard
and i am glad that this ordeal will soon be over
hahaha

yesterday we went for dinner to celebrate my younger sis birthday
after that we headed to sclub to drink
initially it was boring thou they open two bottles and a few jugs of beer cause i miss the atmosphere in plasma and of course mr
i thought i like mr but after messaging him i think its crap
i feel that he dont act his age and its just weird la
i am weird now
its been so long since i really really like a person
and even if i think i like someone
the feeling will just fade off after a few days
hahaha
cant wait to start working go travelling and have fun without worrying about studying and homework
wheeee
twelve more days to go before absolute freedom!!!
:D

happy shalala

2006-11-06T01:41:00.000+08:00

if you're happy and you know it clap your hands
*clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap

hahahhahahaha
i am so happy
wheeeeeee
thanks to daphne :D

fucking regret

2006-11-02T14:31:00.000+08:00

i am so fucking fucking pissed with my fucking self
argh
yesterday was so random
what the fuck
i didnt know *she was looking
i didnt know everyone was looking
i didnt know shit
thats why i did what i am fucking not supposed to
i will fucking stop drinking
it sucks
the feeling of doing something wrong sucks
the feeling of getting reprimanded sucks too especially when you cannot rebut
i know what others will say
i know what they will think
fuck la
who can i blame but myself right

now i am just thinking about how am i able to step back into plasma when the event is still running
i should be a better role model for my younger sis
i know, i suck
fuck

virgo

2006-10-30T21:34:00.000+08:00

VIRGO LADIES
She has an egg shape facial structure, high and round forehead. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks.You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despair with obstacles. She likes smart guy who will be compatible with her, so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget abour her right now. She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expect respect from her love one. She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate. If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain distant. Act proper and appropriate is her discipline.

She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. She likes a gentleman who open the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman. She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. (very true!) She can really keep secret, you can trust her on this. She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. She is very delicate in maintaining her beauty, so you could see she is seriously picking soap which match and most suit her skin. Do not comments her on this very picky habits, it is her happiness in working full times as a self beautifier. She is not an innocent angle for sometimes she can be as tough as steel.

Even she easily despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is a shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even she walks and talks confidently. She only search for true love , not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing.

*She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angle again. If you have a date with her , you'd better be there on time. Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry , make it brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up events, it could lead you to another world war. (hmm.. true!)

She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make she thinks that she is a clown or funny. In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too. Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress , and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as your can.

You
>always want to enjoy your life time
>You will be very good in either education or workwise or buisness management! >are Talented,
>kind (but with only people who you think are nice),
>popular
>more than Lucky with anything in their Lives..
>are caring towards your family & friends
>if you miss the half-way mark then you are about to suffer physically and mentally
>will lead a very good inner-home happiness with nothing short of..
>are a person of Compassion, Comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgement,
>you have the Great power of caring Talent to make this world of love one

Your love attitude is adventurous, charismatic and spontaneous. You're
> creative and adaptable,
> you can come up with the most exciting and sometimes daring things to do. >Your quick intelligence and way with words help get you out of the problems that come with being flirtatious and playing hard to get.
>You need to pay close attention to your personal values because you love to try
new and different things
> you easily go along with the crowd and the consequences can put extra strain on your relationship with a boy/girl.
>You like guys who have great bodies and good looks, along with exceptional brain and high grades. It helps if they're highly athletic or involved in as many activities as you,otherwise you might get bored!

Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder, people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-togethers. However, you are sensitive, which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath

*Loves to joke.
*Attractive.
*Suave and caring.
*Brave and fearless.
*Firm and has leadership qualities.
*Knows how to console others.
*Too generous and egoistic.
*Takes high pride of oneself.
*Thirsty for praises.
*Extraordinary spirit.
*Easily angered
*Angry when provoked.
*Easily jealous.
*Observant.
*Careful and cautious.
*Thinks quickly.
*Independent thoughts.
*Loves to lead and to be led.
*Loves to dream.
*Talented in the arts, music and defense.
*Sensitive but not petty.
*Poor resistance against illnesses.
*Learns to relax.
*Hasty and trusty.
*Romantic.
*Loving and caring.
*Loves to make friends .
You are active and sportive. It's hard for other people to become close with you, but you fall in love easily. But once you find out you can't get something, you give up and let go easily as well

i dont understand

2006-10-24T15:58:00.000+08:00

i dont understand
how you can break my heart and now want me to piece your heart back
i can sense you are still keeping some stuffs from me
i know the girl had hurt you
but i dont know what she did to play you out
i detest her i really do
for taking you away and hurting you
i thought she will be able to bestow you with the happiness i was not able to do
and now she played you out

i know you did say your intention to patch was not because of her leaving you
but because memories are indelible and everywhere you go reminds you of me
thats what i have gone through and i am scared now because of the hurt you have caused
you know my weak points
now i dont know what to do

should i think of myself or should i think of you

drink

2006-09-26T16:20:00.000+08:00

another drinking session with qian yesterday
hahaha
this is madness
we have devise a plan to bring down those brute who are too cocky and flirtatious for their own good
hahaha
but i must admit
the plan has 95% chance of failure
oh well
i dont understand how girls can be love fools
all these random conversations with qian
have came to a conclusion that left me cynical scared and fearful of trusting someone

i will quit hoping
quit dreaming
and quit naivety

haha.. joyce just asked me to listen to a song the day before and now i am hook on it. nice tune nice lyric and nice meaning. :D

Glenn Frey - The One You Love
I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do
I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?

When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over?
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?
Your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

this song is damn nice but if someone sings "Heaven Knows" to me, i will marry him/her immediately. wahahahahaha

eccentricity

2006-09-24T17:46:00.000+08:00

yesterday was fanelle's birthday
qian and i bought her a guess wallet and we are glad she like it
haha
her birthday was held at hideout
a cosy place and with her decorations, the place looked really nice
all the pink balloons, pink caps, chocolate fondue, food, bubbles and nice lamps.
one word to describe -sweet-
hahaha
we then found out that baileys with milo is good too. yummy

so we were abit high and we didnt wanna go home
so we called up all our contacts to see if anyone is clubbing and hopefully they can sign us in
as qian and i seriously prefer zouk more, MOS is out of the question even if we can get in free.
hahaha
and whats the craziest thing two girls can do?
well, we went to club at zouk
we paid the entrance and cab despite being seriously broke
and we dance throughout the night
hahaha
eccentricity?
oh well, we just needed to let loose from the troubles of our life
hahahaha
the very least, we kept an eye on one another and everything was ok
:D

nights

2006-09-23T04:24:00.000+08:00

mambo night with huiqian and angie is fun
hahaha
albeit it being different with the times i club with joyce, it is the first time i have been genuinely happy since the departure of jeff
hahaha
that night even phuture was fun!!
cant believe it
but the whole place was packed with so many cjc people. i cant believe it

yesterday we played mahjong
didnt expect jeffrey to win
hahaha
but it was good cause it has been a long while since i played mahjong
moreover
it is a great way to pass time :)

thank you for accompanying me today

forgive

2006-09-20T18:15:00.000+08:00

this is something i've pick out from cleo

He cheated, should i give him another chance
Probable not - and definitely not if he's got a history of being unfaithful and forgiven. Most of us naively believe that if someone is in love, they won't be tempted to have sex with anyone else. Not true. Many men (and women) attest to loving their partners dearly,even though they've sex on the side. The urge to cheat exists on some level in all of us. Who gives in to it and who resists depends on our morals and relationship history. If he's cheated on every girl he's been out with and been forgiven for doing so, why should he stop? If he doesnt have a history of cheating, it's early in the relationship and this was a one-off incident with genuine reasons to explain it, then hang in there.

I ponder every single night about all the reasons he have for doing this despite the fact that he claims to have love me so much. For something like this to occur, i finally reckon that it isnt his fault alone. I am not good enough, in fact i am fierce, rowdy like a guy and very lame. I am not pretty, gentle, slim, demure or even sweet as i suppose this are the fundamental qualities a guy would look upon when considering a girl. I think that if someone better loves him so much and is even willing to give up her all to him, why wouldnt he accept. All i can do is to blame myself for not cherishing him as much. Therefore i choose to forgive. I am not incline to have everything reverted to the past as i know it is not plausible. A part of me will also remember what he had done to me. However, i think that perhaps remaining as friends is a viable option. Thou shalt not detest him for what he has done. Since the incident, i have never been truly happy but yesterday night, after thinking through everything, i smiled to sleep. You may think its cliche but somehow, i feel i have let loose.

To him: I apologise for not being good enough.
To my bestest male buddy: I apologise for hurting you so much and even ignoring you causing your memories of school to be jaded.
To my ex "third party": If you even do read my blog, i apologise for treating you like crap and I will always be thankful for the umpteen times you tolerated my shit and even humor me.
To joyce: I am sorry for always having to bother you
To nerissa: Thank you for listening and giving me your valuable girl's point of view
To my friends at work (especially *you): Thanks for all the late night supper and fights that often helps me to forget everything and laugh
To joel: Thank you for listening too and sorry for disrupting your games
To malcolm: Thank you for being my son and for offering advices

There is too much to say. Too many people to apologise and thank i dont know where and how to start. The above may seem slipshod but please being me, i am sincere.

leaf's departure is because of wind's pursuit or because tree didnt ask her to stay.

love

2006-09-03T15:01:00.000+08:00

It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else
But its more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you

Never say "I Love You" if you dont care
Never talk about feelings if they arent really there
Never touch a life if you meant to break a heart
Never say you will if you dont plan to start
Never look in the eye when all you do is lie
The cruellest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesnt intend to catch her fall

"Love is never having to say you're sorry" - Baldwin

utterly disappointed

2006-09-01T15:33:00.000+08:00

i always say that i am disappointed at something or someone
but yesterday i truly understood the meaning of the word and how it feels

imagine yourself falling from the highest peak
you feel so carefree, happy as well as fearful and although you may hurt yourself at times by hitting on to something or scratching yourself in the process, everything is fine
but out of the blue, when you least expect it
you fall flat,
on your face
on a cold hard concrete floor.

your stomach churns
there is a mixture of feelings
undescribable
you feel weak and wonder if you are still alive
you start to reminisce
tears start streaming down your face

there are only two options left
one: to commit suicide and end everything
two: to stand up, move on and be strong

i chose option two
its tougher than i think
many times i feel i've lost the ability to cry
i find myself swallowing my tears

your excuses are lame, pointless
it makes me feel worse
that you're still lying
still pretending
still hiding
so much for empty promises
futile efforts
and false commitments

i dont hate you
i am just disappointed

she begged you not to forget her
i wont do likewise
just forget me
like how you've forgotten me when you were with her
and remember "i love you" is a sacred phrase
say it only if you meant it
since you've said it to her
dont utter these words to me anymore

back at one

2006-08-10T16:07:00.000+08:00

I haven been blogging recently. dont know what i got to say. basically i need an avenue for me to vent out my feelings but i am too tired to search for the right words to express myself. it is so good to have a song that depicts your feelings. so good to be able to copy and paste the text from somewhere to a whole new place. so good to just delete the entry if anything crops up or just keep taping on "backspace". its that easy but why does it keep hanging on me. argh!

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong

Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside

'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

2006-07-12T16:14:00.000+08:00

Adieu my dearest bitch, lover, friend, sister, Joyce Tan Ying Lin. I hope to see you soon though, cause i will really miss you. There were times where we hardly meet up and there were times when we met up almost every single day. I can truely comprehend how is it like to cherish and treasure what you have lost even more. I regret not going finding you more often. And although i know you're still around and you might be back, i lost your presence here with me, and how easily i could just take a train down to punggol. From the good old days in school when we sang "saltwater wells in my eyes" together, club at mdm wong with debbie jie and her friends, stayed at your "chalet, frequent mad monks to the days where we worked together, visit taiwan together, bathe together, starbucks together, studied together, "lived" together, pon school together and frequent zouk together, i am so glad that you were around.

I remembered we once sat at Alleybar, Just the two of us. And you came up with a game where we have to list what we like about the js simultaneously. Right now, i would like to do this again. This time, i will have to do it alone, for you.

2006-07-12T16:13:00.000+08:00

I like how you always make the people around you happy even though you might not be feeling good at that point of time. i like how you always protect me and guide me cause i am so silly, gullible and naive. i like how we are able to do anything under the sky together and how you will not halt when we're discussing about things that will cause our eyes to droop. i like how you always make me laugh. i like how you see me at my stupidest moment and even encourage me to carry on. i like how you love drinking so much. i like how you always make a relentless effort to forget and be happy even though you're feeling weak and like shit inside. i like how you come up with random ideas and things to do on our most boring nights. i like how you can sense something ( its a gift, for someone as special as you ). i like how you laugh at the poem i wrote for you and make everyone else laugh too by reading it out. i like how you can always comfort me and be by my side when i need you. i love how you are always there. i love how you try so hard to be strong cause i am so weak. i love how you always stand up for me. i like how you try and convince me to look on the brighter side of things. i like how you are always so spontaneous. i like how you appreciate everyone for who they are. i love how you are so nice to everyone and how you'll not bear grudges. There is just so many so many so many things that i like about you and i swear the list can go on forever.
But there's one thing i hate joyce, i hate the fact that you got to leave without knowing when you'll be back and that i cant even get to send you off.

Those fun-filled times we had fooling around, and those emo times we spent together, down at punggol beach. I will never forget and from now, I will pray for your return.

quiz

2006-07-10T17:01:00.000+08:00

Name 20 people you think of now before answering the questions below tag 5 person to do this,if he/she done it,there's no need to redo it again.

1.Joyce
2. Debbie jiejie
3. Daphne
4. Nerissa
5. Yangming
6. Yvonne
7. Joel
8. Malcolm
9. Shawn
10. Jeff
11. Kenneth
12. Jiaxiang
13. Lester
14. Ian
15. Nicholas
16. Jerome
17. Mitch
18. Bj
19. Arnold
20. Jwong

When did you meet 14?
Since i was young cause he is my little cousin who's the same age as my younger sister and he lives just 4 floors above me. haha

What will you do if you never meet 1 before?
I will not experience what is it like to go crazy and laugh evrything off. To feel sad but yet put on a strong front. And seriously, i'll still be unable to understand whats the essence of friendship without her. THANK YOU.

What will you do if 20 and 9 dated?
I will laugh my head off and slap jwong cause he shldnt give up my sister for another guy and as for shawn, i dont think he will ever like jwong cause i think he got better taste.. hahahah.

Did you ever liked 19?
NO. he's my elder sister's husband to be. and my future brother in law.

Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
eh.. maybe. haha. but currently, yvonne dislikes angmohs and she has her dear one on mind.

Describe 3?
She is someone with a bad temper but if you're nice to her, she'll definitely reciprocate. A loyal and straightforward friend and albeit being younger than me, she can be wiser than me regarding certain issues.

Do you think 8 is attractive?
Hahahahaha.. definitely. with his great sense of humour and stylish eyebrows.

Tell me something about 7?
He likes sleeping in class and he plays hockey. other than that, he is currently keen on going shisha. :)

Whats 18 favourite thing?
His soccer ball

What will you do if 11 confess he/she likes you?
I will tell him that i am very honoured but he got a gf and we are best buddies. hahaha

What language does 5 always speak?
To me, he often speaks english but he does speaks mandarin too.

Who is 9 going out with?
i don't know

How old is 16 now?
by august 26th, he'll turn 18

When is the last time you talked to 13?
Like just now.

Who's 2 favorite singer/band?
Zhang Hui Mei.

Would you date 4?
She's straight by the way. but i will date her cause i know how sweet a gf she can be.

Would you date 17?
If he visits often enough.

Is 15 single?
I want to know too. But i dont think he is. ;) haha

What's 10 last name?
Effendi. thats easy

Would you ever be in a relationship with 11?
Sorry i dont wanna be the third party. :D

What school does 3 goes to?
Monkshill Secondary School

Where does 6 lives?
Four Seasons Condo. our escapades

Whats your favourite thing about 5?
He being always so silly

Have you seen 12 naked?
half naked yes. Cause this monkey here took pictures of himself half naked thinking that he's muscular. hahahaha

5 people to do this lame thing?
Nerissa, Nicholas, Daphne and whoever who wanna do this crap. :D

I DID THIS FOR YOU BITCH. HAHA. CAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO.

crazy

2006-07-07T16:50:00.000+08:00

my blog finally has colours. oh well. just wanted to blabber about the movie c.r.a.z.y as it was a really good movie. the movie explored several areas which are still prevalent in our current society. furthermore, marc-andre grondine's good looks are also a factor increasing my likings for this movie. GREAT SHOW. please catch it if you can.

2006-07-07T16:46:00.000+08:00

Crazy. a story of 5 brothers and their parent. it places more emphasis on the forth child, zachary and how he struggle in search and in denial of his identity. Crazy encapsulate the themes of love in various forms. albeit his adoration for his dad, there's a barrier between zac and his dad as his dad starts noticing the feminine side of him. as the story is based in the 1960s and the beaulieu family are staunch catholics, we can understand why homosexuality seems to be a major taboo. aside from the familial tensions which are prevalent in the play, we are able to see the subtle show of care and concern among the family. this creates patho in the show as we are made to sympathise the beaulieu. their love for one another is strong, however, the flaw in their relationships is due to the lack or breakdown in communication. also, the theme of religion is also illustrated in the show. where one seek to understand the true meaning of religion and to place hope on the existence of god. because of zac's sexual inclination, despite his constant praying to god to not let him be a "fairy", he starts to doubt if god truely exist. even his dad starts to loathe the idea of a group of popes mingling together as it reminds him of his son homosexuality. zac tried having a girlfriend to suppress his feelings of homosexuality however, it didnt work out as he doesnt feel the love for her, instead, he is in love with his cousin's boyfriend. zac even went to the extent of visiting jerusalem and crossing the desert to see if during his hardest period of time, there's only his footsteps as god may be carrying him. furthermore, it is sad to see that only after his 2nd brother, raymond's death that his dad starts to realise the possible flaw in his parenting. the impact of his death is made greater by the fact that his relationship with zac is becoming better even though they are arch enemies in the family. it is heartwarming seeing raymond beat up a guy because he was saying that zac is gay. alas, mr beaulieu understands that he should accept his son for who he is, and whatever the biological make-up of zac, it is a gift from god and it should be appreciated.

2006-07-07T16:22:00.000+08:00

when love's onesided

2006-07-07T16:21:00.000+08:00

brotherhood

2006-07-07T16:18:00.000+08:00

when your heart is cold too

2006-07-07T16:14:00.000+08:00

michael cote (dad) with his all time favourite - patsy cline

2006-07-07T16:10:00.000+08:00

yvan, christian, mr beaulieu, raymond, ZACHARY and antoine

2006-07-07T16:07:00.000+08:00

sweet innocence - when he was young and unaware of his inclination

2006-07-07T15:58:00.000+08:00

jerusalem - in search for the meaning and existence of god

exam blues boo

2006-07-01T02:13:00.000+08:00

my mid years have finally come to a halt
so now i am waiting for my prelims
and then my a's
oh man.. how boring is this

but then again
after spending my time outside
trying to search for things to do
and trying to indulge myself in distractions

i realised that maybe
maybe i should just stay home and study
the process of it is tormenting
but it seems more fruitful

somehow
i dunno why

its like suddenly you discover the evolution in your life
so subtle
yet when you look back
you discovered what an impact it actually made

like when i was talking to nerissa about the people whom we used to be rather close with in school
and when joyce suddenly asked me, who do i miss most out of the group of friends we used to hang out with
i realise

that everyone is moving on
it takes me so long just to figure this out
i am stagnant!!
i see everyone with their plans and heading towards it
and then i think to myself.
what do i want?
what do i really really want.

perhaps i should just work hard towards my a's
and then i will start thinking about where to go from then.

lies

2006-06-21T17:07:00.000+08:00

when everything you've heard
were lies
and everything you've felt
were deceit
will you be able to forget everything
and retain your hopefulness?
i curl at the thought of you you you you and you
the ones who pushed me down this venus flytrap
i slide, further and deeper
to which now i stand
alone
i've survived

the utterances
bullshit
i predict the deeper meaning
and, the hidden agendas
the sweet nothings which made me smiled and teared
now become the epitome of disgust and treachery
is this beneficial
to prevent history from repeating
i doubt
when everything are false
and emotions, a facade
i believe.

nick warren

2006-06-17T21:48:00.000+08:00

yesterday night at zouk was fun. it was random and the three of us (joyce, phil and i) went nuts. but the music was great and the people around were fabulous too. like the french dudes, they were spontaneous ;) later on, *chef, *bro and their friend also came to join us. luckily *bro could sneak in with their friend's ic. i was scared that he'll be bounced out too. oh well.. they did dance but they left early too. joyce's managed to get nick warren's signature and the both of us got to kiss him too. hahaha.. we were that mad you see. as we were on our way home, our cab driver knocked over an indian cyclist cause it was dark and he just dashed out. it was really traumatising. luckily, only one of his leg is fractured. we only reached home at 8+ am cause we had to go to the traffic police station to make a report and stuff and the process of it was really really long and draining.

i regret being so rash sometimes. :(

letting go

2006-06-10T17:34:00.000+08:00

zouk-mambo
outside madam wong
four seasons
orchard
angullia
sahara
crystal jade
waffle town
keng chin road
starbucks
far east underground
cineleisure
ajisen
shaw macs
MOS
sheraton

i hope you will be done with all your online lessons
i hope you graduate
i hope your extensions are fine
i hope you bought a dog you really liked
i hope you'll find someone who treats you well
i hope you're happy everyday

j'espere que vous reviendrez

you were everywhere i go
now i'm wishing you all the best.

kenneth said to "be strong"
no matter how cliche these two words might sound
he told me that i must truely comprehend it
in order to succeed.

i am trying to do so
thank you! :)

where'd you go

2006-06-08T17:12:00.000+08:00

yesterday, we went to sclub to drink
made new friends
but where art thou

we left to zouk later for mambo
saw many familiar faces
but where art thou

i lie in bed till 8 am
unable to sleep, thinking
where art thou

where'd you go?
i miss you so,
seems like it's been forever,
that you've been gone.

she said "some days i feel like shit,
some days i just wanna quit, and just be normal for abit,"
i don't understand why you have to always be gone,
i get along but the trips always feel so long,
and, i find myself trying to stay by the phone.
'cause your voice always helps me to not feel alone,
but i feel like an idiot, workin my day around the call,
but when i pick up i dont have much to say ,
so, i want you to know that its a little fucked up,
that i'm stucked here waiting, at times debating,
telling you that i had it with you and your career,
me and the rest of the family here singing "where'd you go?"

i miss you so,
seems like it's been forever,
that you've been gone.
where'd you go?
i miss you so,
seems like forever,
that you've been gone,
please come back home..

you know the place where you used to live,
used to barbeque up burgers and ribs,
used to have a little party every halloween with candy by the pile,
but now, you only stop by every once in a while,
shit, i find myself just filling up my time with,
anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
i'm doing fine, i plan to keep it that way,
you can call me if you find you have something to say,
and i'll tell you, i want you to know that it's a little fucked up,
that i'm stuck here waiting, at times debating,
telling you that i've had it with you and your career,
me and the rest of the family here singing "where'd you go?"

i miss you so,
seems like it's been forever,
that you've been gone.
where'd you go?
i miss you so,
seems like it's been forever,
that you've been gone.
please come back home..

i want you to know it's a little fucked up,
that i'm stucked here waiting, no longer debating,
tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses,
for while you're not around, and feeling so useless,
it seems one thing have been true all along,
you dont really know what you've got till its gone,
i guess i've had it with you and your career,
when you come back i wont be here and you can sing it..

where'd you go?
i miss you so,
seems like it's been forever,
that you've been gone.
where'd you go?
i miss you so,
seems like it's been forever,
that you've been gone,
please come back home...
please come back home...
please come back home...
please come back home...
please come back home...

-where'd you go-
by fort minor

2006-06-07T15:31:00.000+08:00

if loving is the process of getting hurt, why would one pursue love? to get hurt? to discover whats the meaning of being heartbroken?

initially, i was seriously just out to play and have fun due to this fear of committing. but you* being so different and humouring me at all times, made me fall, i had my doubts and i reserved a part of myself.....

who knows what strength thy hath that swallowed my weakness and lifted me to embrace the sweetness that thou exude.

je suis tombe amoureux du bon genre suppose de mal
avec vous, je suis tombe tant de fois
mais de l'autre cote
merci des memoires merveilleuses

i'm left hanging there
-do i stay or should i go

2006-06-07T01:28:00.000+08:00

Baby wont you tell me why,
there is sadness in your eyes
i dont wanna say goodbye to you
love is one big illusion
i should try to forget
but there's something left in my head

you're the one who set it up
now you're the one to make it stop
i'm the one who's feeling lost right now
now you want me to forget
every little thing you said
but there's something left in my head

i wont forget the way you're kissing
the feeling so strong
were lasting for so long
but i'm not the *girl
your heart is missing
thats why you go away
i know

you were never satisfied
no matter how i tried
now you wanna say goodbye to me
love is one big illusion
i should try to forget
but there's something left in my head

i wont forget the way you're kissing
the feeling's so strong
were lasting for so long
but i'm not the *girl
your heart is missing
thats why you go away
i know

sitting here all alone
in the middle of nowhere
dont know which way to go
there aint so much to say now
between us
there aint so much for you
there aint so much for me
anymore

i wont forget the way you're kissing
the feeling's so strong
were lasting for so long
but i'm not the *girl
your heart is missing
thats why you go away
i know
thats why you go away
i know

-that why you go away-
by michael learns to rock

zouk - drunken andy

2006-05-28T21:41:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was fun
Its zouk again!!
Initially, the dance floor was empty
We went down at about 12+ with lots of space on the dance floor
1st time.
But slowly, the crowd came and best of all, the music was good!
Andy and Norman came to join us later and they were tipsy
Andy was super HIGH
So we went high
For him
When we went up to get more drinks, Andy was GONE
We went back to the dance floor and we were all forced to the podium
One by one, we went up
Joyce, Jared, Me, Henri but Yvonne managed to escape!!
We all dance like mad dogs
And guess what, later Andy fell on the podium!
So Joyce and i, the 2 GIRLS, had to carry him up
We made friends with random hotel guests to get into Copthorne's toilet
And so the story goes...

1st time!
*Andy drunk
*Henri sober
*3 of us feigning to be high
-fun- :D

poetic reflection

2006-05-17T20:09:00.000+08:00

Freedom can only be obtained through discipline. It is the law that sets us free.

Joyce told me that this is going to be our new slogan. alright. fair enough. i will abhere to it if it works and if it will prevent everyone dearest to me from leaving. the day before during practical criticisms, i felt an overwhelming sense of melancholy while reading this poem entitled "the old familiar faces":

I have had playmates, I have had companions,
In my days of childhood, in my joyful school-days --
All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

I have been laughing, I have been carousing,
Drinking late, sitting late, with my bosom cronies --
All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

I loved a Love once, fairest among women:
Closed are her doors on me, I must not see her --
All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

I have a friend, a kinder friend has no man:
Like an ingrate, I left my friend abruptly;
Left him, to muse on the old familiar faces.

Ghost-like, I paced round the haunts of my childhood.
Earth seem'd a desert I was bound to traverse,
Seeking to find the old familiar faces.

Friend of my bosom, thou more than a brother,
Why wert not thou born in my father's dwelling?
So might we talk of the old familiar faces --

How some they have died, and some they have left me,
And some are taken from me; all are departed --
All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

-Charles Lamb

I am afraid of people leaving me. But if you have to please dont let me be the factor holding you all back. I'll feel bad. Albeit it is difficult for me. I will learn to be independent, to be strong and to hold on. For you. I will.

Meanwhile, i will treasure all the times spent together and cherish all the memories we have created.

lyrics

2006-05-14T22:41:00.000+08:00

Save your kisses for me by Natasha Thomas

All so easily
Show me how you miss me
Save your kisses for me
How can I be sure that you won't go and what will be?

So tell me is your love true or a fake?
I don't wanna have just another heartbreak
And will I be always just the only one?
Are you gonna be there when I need someone?

A summer love thing
'Cos I don't want to be
Save your kisses for me
My loving
All so easily
Show me how you miss me
Save your kisses for me
How can I be sure that you won't go and what will be?

You must be an angel high from above
You wrapped me up in the colour of your love
And I love the way that you are loving me
The way of your touch is always heavenly

A summer love thing
'Cos I don't want to be
Save your kisses for me
My loving
All so easily
Show me how you miss me
Save your kisses for me

My loving
Save your kisses for me
'Cos I don't want to be
A summer love thing

One kiss, one love, one word,
One vow and nothing more
One night, one dream
Gonna save it, save it for me

Save your kisses for me
Show me how you miss me
All so easily
My loving
Save your kisses for me
'Cos I don't want to be
A summer love thing

prom

2006-05-14T21:01:00.000+08:00

Singapore American School's prom is totally different from SCGS prom.
I was so nervous when i arrived at Sheraton Hotel with jeff as when i looked inside the lobby, i see so many unfamiliar faces. Everyone there was from sas except me.. oh man.. jeffalso felt weird as everyone kept asking him what happened in school etc. Luckily, awhile after i reached, yvonne and jared arrived. finally!! some people i know. and then slowly after, the rest came. it wasnt really bad later as we were all sitting on the table talking. The food was served buffet style and not many people were actually eating as many of them had dinner before attending the prom. What everyone was caught up with was dancing. They had a rock band singing and everyone were just dancing like mad dogs. haha.. in local schools, the girls etc will be more caught up with taking pictures and everyone will be too shy to start dancing. As yvonne described the scene, it was like a club being raided and everyone still continued dancing. hahah. if u are wondering, we didnt dance! haha. the most sickening thing about it is that they did not allow us to leave the ballroom level unless we are leaving the prom. humph.

well.. we headed to MOS after that. Got in free because i think mel and jared had invites. we opened a bottle of tequila and i was drinking like a mad dog la.. luckily joyce was around to calm me down and to take care of me when i was on the dance floor. if not i think i would have died la.. haha.. as joyce would have said, "the people down there all damn shady la". hahaha.. not bad.. a mixture of feeling throughout the whole damn day.

but it brought me to a conclusion : what will i do without you joyce!!! :D
ps: thank you so much

joyce's birthday

2006-04-30T19:21:00.000+08:00

Joyce's birthday was a big whooha
Yvonne was gone after the games at the room so she stayed to recuperate
Zhizao didnt want to go to Zouk so they stayed in the room together
Kane was kinda tipsy in the room already and he wanted to go DXO instead
Paul refused to go Zouk so he also went DXO
Louisa was alright i think
Jimmy too
Jeanne was drunk and she walked back to the room herself later
Alison puked and went home
Linette was gone so she stayed over
Lester drank a shot of apple shooter and hyperventilated twice in the room
Jeff puked first but was sober after that
Andy was emo as he said that alcohol is a form of depressant
Jared was abit tipsy i think, and he keeps falling over like as if he was stabbed
Henri was drunk and he became emo too
Calvin was gone and he talked non stop
Jeffrey Joseph and Guan came too, and i felt really bad for not entertaining them well as i guess they might have felt awkward as they dunno anyone else there :(

JOYCE.. she fell on the dance floor, puked on the speakers, sat in the toilet for half an hour to an hour like that, andy have to enter the female toilet to carry her back to the hotel room, locked herself in the room's toilet, and ask everyone to " fucking dont fuck with me"
hahahaha
thats what happen when it's your birthday.
can't help it you see
you just get SMASHED
and you just do random stupid things

*i will never EVER forget what that smoke did to me!!! :(
hahahaha
just like how i will never forget this first birthday i spent with joyce even though we were friends for a few years. :D

debbie jiejie's birthday

2006-04-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

Its my sister's birthday today.. she turned 24 this year...ooooo... thats fast. haha
oh well, joyce and i, together with daphne and jwong, went for her party yesterday at geographer's bar. It was fun.. just alcohol, random new friends, good looking thai performers and great entertainment. haha.. its nice to just drink liquor and not beer.. at least i can hold my liquor better.. hahah.. joyce went nuts, she didnt even know/remembered what she did la.. it was funny though, how we can have fun, just like that.. hahaha.. it was awesome :D

we left the place at about 5+am and went for supper. daphne and i only reached home at 6.30am, so we had no choice but to change into our uniform and head straight to school. my face was still red and i reeked of alcohol (as said by nerissa) hahaha.. i was dying initially but after a one hr nap during econs tutorial, i was refreshed.. i felt good :D

haha.. just came home awhile ago from dinner with my family and yang ming. sometimes, its just so hard to let go and forget. i almost wanted to give in. i felt so weak, so bad, so sad. nothing i do can ever conceal the hurt i've caused. now, i understand, why is it that humans are selfish afterall.

leaving

2006-04-16T17:52:00.000+08:00

it's going to be a nice memory.
i'll make it be.
even if it might be difficult i'll try my best

it takes awhile to create a new memory but to forget it, it takes a lifetime
everybody will leave, sooner or later, we just have to deal with it
i dont know how i will react though
seems so far away yet its seems to dawn upon me that a month or so will arrive really soon
when you least expected it

i'm so excited for joyce's birthday!!!
i can't wait.. we already have our invincible duo plan
everyone will definitely get high and i'll be her co-host man
how cool!!!
hahahahahahahaahhahahaha
just talking to her about it makes me excited
we shall start building up our alcohol consumption level from now
:D

random

2006-04-14T16:33:00.000+08:00

I love shisha!!
especially if you combine it with alcohol.
Nice!!
hahaha
heavenly

yesterday was good for joyce
she met her candieS
and it wasnt bad
good in fact
haha
but that means that she'll start thinking
alot
and i shall start my job now too
as an analyst
hahaha
its fun being an analyst
i get to try and figure out complicated matters

its so easy for us to forgive
it is good in a way that it'll make us happier and also the people around to be happier
however, wouldnt it leave us with the possibilty of getting let down again
besides, isnt it known that human nature cannot be altered, easily?
therefore, i conclude that it is not the choice to forgive or not that matters
what is essential is the process of going through it over and over again
when you first fall, you'll feel pain, cry and then learn to stand up yourself
when you fall again, you'll stand up, faster then before
as the process continues, you'll then realise that the crucial thing is not the impact of the fall but how fast it takes you to get up on your feet again.
hence, as we forgive, we grow up!
-thats the key!!!

ice age ;)

2006-04-11T17:38:00.000+08:00

here's a story that made me smile :

(lets think of something)
Far far away in a galaxy called cool

And there live an alien named ice kid.
He likes being cool as the heat will turn him and the people around him to be BLACK!!

Then he met icegirl who always laugh alot.
So he started getting close to her as she's extremely understanding and beautiful!

Icegirl den realise that icekid is really nice and sweet so she began to feel warmth in the galaxy.
Icekid always manages to make her smile.

Icekid then introduces her to his part of the world happily.
There are times when icekid would neglect icegirl but she always stay by his side!
Icekid is happy!!

As long as one of them is happy, they'll both be happy.

-the end
i know it may sound lame but i still enjoyed it
:D

just the two of us

2006-04-09T23:14:00.000+08:00

Alleybar serves wonderful fries!! haha
oh well.. yesterday, i realised that when joyce and i are alone, we talk about the silliest topics which are kinda like serious
hahaha.. sounds weird but ya..
our myriad of topics range from bitching to dissing and finally THINKING
about the reasons for our likings of people and what do we actually loathe about them
hahaha. we smile at their strengths and we actually try and make allowances for their weaknesses.
how nice :)

sahara was great. like the shesha part
after that, joyce and i thought we were in a foreign land.
to be exact, india or maybe sudan!!!!
hahahaha
bad experience

i love joyce
and confessions
and our mount faber big WHOOHA

:D

thought it through!

2006-04-04T20:59:00.000+08:00

I swear i've thought it through. :D

Now, my conclusion is that, no matter how neglected i feel or how badly someone is treating me, i will presevere and not do the same unto them.
So long as everyone else is happy, i'll be happy too.
Even if it is hard, i'm sure i'll find a way to make it through.
If not, i can always find Joyce and we can either stone or do some random crazy silly stuff together.
No doubt it'll be hard, i'll try to be strong.
I'll be sincere but at the same time, i'll prevent myself from falling again.

The same goes for everyone else.
Don't do unto others what others do unto you.
Just go with your heart and do what you really want to do.
I'm sure it'll be easier than to pretend to be someone you're not.
At least in the future, you won't look back and regret what you've done pertaining to the false front you had put up. ;)

lost

2006-04-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

i've lost!

i knew that i just wanted to play from the start but i've lost.
i reckoned that i could just ignore everything but i've lost.
i thought i could forget and i've lost.

now that i realised that i've lost
i wonder how should i continue from where i've stopped.

journey

2006-03-29T19:11:00.000+08:00

Time waits for no one, sure as the tide pulls the ocean
Sure as the path that's been chosen cannot be changed
In my life's destination, i searched for the explanation
For some kind of reason for my sorrow and pain
But in my isolation, i learned to listen
To be thankful for the love that i'd been given

This is my journey, journey through life
With every twist and turn, i've laughed and cried as the road unwinds
This is my journey, and i've learned to fight
To make me strong enough, to lift me up, to bring my dreams alive

In my desperation, i swore never again
Would i hear all the laughter of my friends and my family
A million tears that i'd cry then began to dry
Silence of the night time
I have come to realize a sweet inspiration filled my horizon
Gave me the heart to go on and never would give in

-journey by 911-

Every now and then, i would hear this song whenever i'm working inside Bobby's.
However, i've never given a thought about the meaning of this song.
A "journey through life", the process of growing up, meeting with setbacks and obstacles which sort of inveigle or cajole you to give up, the period where simplicity seems to be "hidden" yet desired. Everyone goes through this phase where their idiosyncrasies as well as demeanour are altered by their surroundings, their friends as well as the people/groups they idolize or venerate. The use of invective, the constant drifting away to our reverie as well as the immense need for jollification are all part and parcel of existence. In retrospect, we can see how we eventually become who we are now. Despite our gripes, we know that ultimately, we are the ones who possess the carte blanche over ourselves and we should not regret whatever decisions that we've made. Instead, we should look at it with a brighter light and see the positive aspects that was initially indiscernable in our myopic view of the issue in concern. Memories are perennial, and the only way (i presume) to reduce your throes, is to have the courage to confront your emotions. ;)

happiness

2006-03-28T23:34:00.000+08:00

I've heard, that the key to happiness lies in your own hand.
I'm sure, if one were to believe in this, they will find it, inadvertently.
However, it gets hard sometimes, when you try your best to make things work yet everything just dont turn out right
But, in any case, when you feel like falling, just remember that you've friends who are there to catch you when you fall.

I wonder why this week seem to pass so slowly!! Only when we're enjoying, time seems to fly pass. argh. cant wait for this week to come to an end. our new timetable is just so screwed. fahy fahy and more fahy!!! i wonder why our school likes torturing us so much.. dont even feel motivated to study a single bit of crap! hahaha.. mambo tmr, cant wait cause joyce and i are gonna pon school on thursday.. time to self declare out own break! haha.. :D

pierced

2006-03-21T00:16:00.000+08:00

i pierced my lips today.
guess it is symbolic of a new beginning, just like how my tongue piercing actually symbolises a new start.
i dunno why i dont feel any pain from the piercing. i guess i'm too numb to feel anything now.
it hurts to be hurting others but it hurts more to know that a future with them is impossible and i dont want to just let it remain this way where both parties are unhappy. i hate doing what i am doing now but i think it is inevitable. if only they understand. :(

i dunno how people can think of joyce and i as lesbians. why cant we just be really good friends. cant good friends love each other? why? my heart really ache when the people closest to me doubt me. but right now, i think its the best to chuck everything aside and just "pretend" to be oblivious to the surroundings.

perhaps getting wasted and going mad is the only way to feel carefree. please give me back my holidays!

my one-week hols

2006-03-19T02:12:00.000+08:00

it've been an arduous week for me. many things happened and i've learnt to let go of everything which were once my priority. i have thought it through and i reckon it'll be better if i am dependent only on myself. i am glad that i'm fortunate enough to be able to turn to my "lesbian gf", joyce and my beloved sister daphne for their support and encouragement. thanks. also to nerissa, thanks for hearing me out, i really appreciate it. oh well.. now i just got to slowly learn to adapt once again.

this whole week was tiring. drinking, clubbing, stoning, slacking, working etc. but i've failed to complete any of my holiday assignments. shit.. all these just to deviate my attention from what had happened. i think i'm screwed la.. don't want to go back to school at all man. in life, nothing is ever fair. if you're poor, u'll always be having to find means to make ends meet. however, if you're rich, there'll also be a certain sense of vacuum in your life. so i guess, we just have to make the best out of what we have and live life to the fullest.

easier said then done right.. hmnnnn...

complaints

2006-03-11T00:11:00.000+08:00

i hate blogging. cause everytime i blog, i have something to lament about. argh. i dunno what to say. i brought this upon myself i guess. but actually i dont understand the reason for it. damnit. just explain it to me can. oh well. all i can say is that IGNORANCE IS BLISS.

perhaps once in a while, humans do require solitude
and i can embrace this moment
cause i do need the space to think
to reflect
and to ponder about myself.

shucks!

reminisce

2006-02-27T19:32:00.000+08:00

My all time favourite:

Forget his name, forget his face
Forget his kiss and warm embrace
Forget the love that once was true
Remember now there's someone new

Forget the time you spend together
Remember now he's her forever

Forget the love that you once shared
Forget the fact that he once cared
Forget you cried the whole night long
Forget him when they play your song
Forget how close you two once were
Remember now its him and her

Forget he made your dreams come true
Remember now there's someone new

Forget his gentle teasing way
Forget you saw him everyday
Forget the thrills when he walked by
Forget the times he made you cry
Forget the way he spoke your name
Remember now things aren't the same

Forget the way he held your hand
Forget the way he would demand
Forget the times he used to phone
Remember now you're all alone

Forget he was once your whole wide world
Remember now you are not his girl

Forget how close you two once were
Remember now he has chosen her.

Beautiful poem isnt it? It has been etched in my mind since i was 15.
It is amazing how people can easily choose to forget. Albeit trying my best, i fail to do the erstwhile. Its like i'm stuck. I feel that i'm divided into a few parts which are all entwined in the different sections of my memories that i really treasure and will never ever be able to forget. -My Memories are indelible!!!! Whats worse is that despite being solicitous, i have inadvertently incur the wrath of that same person. No matter what i do, I'm always wrong! The irony of it all is that, the place which brought us together is the same one that led to the breakdown of everything we even had in the first place. Why must it be this way. Everything is still abstruse for me. Is it wrong to continue what i've been doing and what you've known me for doing? Is it wrong to stick with my responsibilities? Is it wrong to try and fend for myself so that i don't have to always rely on my parents for that extra cash? I know you've heard me saying these umpteen times and you think that i always think that i'm right. Maybe you really don't know me well. Who does? I always have on a mask when i'm around others. In fact, i am the anithesis to whatever i portray! I am not at all the ebullient or jaunty girl you all see! You may not know it but some things you've said certainly did hurt me a fair share. You dont have to compare *me to a male gigolo. Certainly, you didnt directly link me with that but who in the right mind cant tell that you are insinuating something? Anyway, I am the mastermind of my own predicament and i don't blame anyone for whatever that has happen. Just let me lament for one last time.

Thank You for the Efforts You have put in.

sweet

2006-01-27T22:24:00.000+08:00

i dunno why, but i feel the surge to revamp my blog and start posting new entries. once more. haha. wonder if i would keep to it but oh well.
how do one relate sweetness? it is nebulous to define sweetness as the idea of it is somewhat intangible. however, one can experience the feeling of sweetness when they are with someone close to their heart and, it would enable us to feel immensely happy. it doesnt matter that the sweetness is shortlived. it is the epitome of happiness. a scintillating display of love.

Are you listening?
Sing it back
So tell me what do I need when the words lose their meaning
I was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me.
Yeah, stumble until you crawl.
Sinking into sweet uncertainty
-sweetness
jimmy eats world

JES BIRTHDAY

2005-08-02T22:47:00.000+08:00

yesterday was alright.. but ner was rather sick.. hmnn.. sad.. guess she has gotten the germs from evil me.. school was damn slack, ended at 12pm, so went town with malcolm to get jessebella's present.. it was quite fun to go snoop around royal sporting house for her present.. and poor mal was so stressed cause jes bought him an adidas jacket.. so he spent quite alot on her bball jersey, just the top, and we went far east to print the number.. the printing of the number and her name was kinda ex cause it cost like $16.. woah!! oh well, but the guy was so darn funny.. afterwhich, bj headed to town to meet us.. we slack at long john's but majority of the time was spent laughing at mal. he so loser.. haha.. so bj and i decided not to talk to him anymore.. hahahaha.. they were also planning whether or not to go for soccer training.. haha... cause mal got cough and bj had flu.. haha.. but i guess due to my gd influence, they headed back to school for training.. hahaha

Today is JESSEBELLA'S birthday.. haha.. was quite ok, she was happy about the ball we got her and the jersey mal bought. school was rather tiring though.. cause of the many fahy's lessons. ner is lucky that she didnt have to come to school today. hmn.. haha.. time flew past rather quickly after fahy's lessons and pe dancing was a dread. haha.. each class was made to stand up to perform so that everyone else can stare and comment.. wth.. haha.. and stupid bj, who was beside me, refuse to switch places with me so tt at least i could hide a little.. haha..ended up, we all didnt know how to dance but ya.. its ok.. i guess my skin is thick enough? haha.. hmn.. after pe, jes bj and i went to look for harland felix and mal.. was supposed to play ball.. so ya.. bj joined us for a while and then ltr pang seh to go play soccer, alone with harland.. wahahahaha.. so mal jes felix shannon and i played a game.. haha.. we ( jes shannon and i ) won!!!! hahaha.. ltr, more pple joined us, haoming, cedric, david, jonathon and liang bao, followed by bj harland and hiang di who only played for awhile. they were all like so tall la.. oh well.. anyway, i was the ASEAN SHOOTER.. wahahahahaha..it was great fun.. haha.. had a great time snatching balls.. but only one of balls went in.. wahaha.. what the hell.. so much for being the ASEAN SHOOTER.. jes left earlier cause she had to meet her "fren" followed by her mum.. hahaha.. finally we all left school at 6plus.. really miss bball sia.. sigh.. tsktsk.. ANYWAY.. tmr got bridge.. felix is joining as well as aaron.. so i guess i shall look forward to it.. :)

2005-07-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

Had been doing so much these days, i never seem to get started on my maths.. how screwed is that.. wahaha..

Thursday 290605:
Went out with Geraint, Felix, Brian, Nerissa, Jiaxiang, Bj and Malcolm to have our Macdonald Breakfast after our Literature paper which ended at 9.30am.. haha.. Too bad Nerissa got to leave after breakfast cause we all going to play dota.. hmnn... we went to shaw plaza i think, the one that is between cityhall and bugis.. but the stupid lady didnt allow us to go in.. so we have to take a long bus ride back to coronation where everyone felt like vomitting.. haha.. went coronation played dota for 2 hours + cause sort of like got police raid.. haha.. well, afterwhich we went Geraint 1million+ new house to play xbox.. the house is damn nice.. haha.. then, went back to coronation for another 2hours of dota.. haha.. after everything ended, i went to orchard to meet joyce.. went to yvonne's house first.. finally got to see Jared, the guy whom JOyce and Yvonne kept gushing about.. haha.. but ya la, he is cute.. went to yiling house to borrow bikes, then went over to kane's house to borrow another 2 bikes.. haha.. finally got to see kane's 9million+ new house.. its damn huge.. and its gorgeous.. haha.. his siberian husky "Nike" is damn cute too!!! haha.. We rode the bikes from Newton, Goldhill there all the way to RGS then got to cycle back cause we planned to take the last train home.. but in the end, we were still late for the last train.. haha.. on the way back, i flew off my bike somemore.. it was hilarious.. haha... so went to yiling house to wash up then met up with kenneth, wah jiang and peisiang for supper..yup.. after supper, joyce, yvonne and i walked to orchard, where yvonne left home and joyce and i gotta loiter at orchard till 5+am.. damn shagged..haha

Today, joyce and i just got back from JB.. haha.. we actually went there alone.. it was damn fun.. we did things we had never done before.. but it was real fun and the food was good.. and cheap too.. haha.. its a pity they didnt have a night market and their nightlife ends at 12midnight.. so ya.. we bunk with her mum at eden garden hotel and it was a damn nice hotel cause it kinda look like pan pacific.. haha.. it had a duty free shop beside it too.. and when we ate breakfast in the morning, we found out that the hotel was actually facing the sea.. oooooOOOOOOOOooooo.. b-e-a-u-tiful.. hahaha.. Now still deciding whether to go to Punggol to meet up with joyce and yvonne to have Punggol Nasi Lemak for supper.. hahahaha.. so long..

lonely

2005-06-24T18:08:00.000+08:00

hate Me
leave Me
desert Me
i can take no more blows
it all came to me like a sudden hurricane
sweeping me off my feet
the people closest to my heart
are inflicting wounds on my soul
"et tu brute" -julius caesar-
i can now truly comprehend the excruciating feeling of this phrase
suddenly when one turn his/her back on me
the rest follows
although it is not arranged
i feel that it is like a domino effect
everything's falling
the world's on my shoulder
i am trying my best to stand
i will make it
i will face it unaided
my heart has turn cold
within a short period of 3 days
"wintriness responsed to wintriness" -Brave New World-
i have finally taste the feeling of losing
i have lost

How can you just walk away from me
When all i can do is watch you leave
'cause we've shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
Oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
'cause there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that's what i've got to face

I wish i could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much i need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

Against All Odds
-Mariah Carey-

its coming back?

2005-06-21T21:30:00.000+08:00

I dunno why but the feeling is back
The good ole days
The way you look into my eyes
The way we just look at each other
We start to talk to each other like normal friends
Even before him
But there is an invisible barrier
And deep inside
We both know we knew each other long ago
Suddenly
It seems like everything would be similar
Yet different
If we had gotten together
Those people
Your friends
His friends
They remembered me
And they got to know me through you
It is just so weird
Everything is so wrong
And when i look back, i ponder
I question
And i realised that
Again
It might be just my imagination
The years flew by
Yet again
M I S L E D
I am

Studied today.. not bad.. refreshed my memory and its better than sleeping at home or watching vcds la.. haha.. had a wonderful dinner.. haha.. oh wells.. damn boring now.. ym sleeping.. tsktsk..

trust

2005-06-04T01:05:00.000+08:00

TRUST: the crucial ingredient in a thriving friendship, relationship and kinship. without trust, there will definitely be a barrier in communication and there will be somethings that one will try and conceal from their friends, spouse, or family members.

The idea of a friendship is nebulous.. sometimes i wonder if it truly exist.. of course there are people who makes me believe in friendship but there are also the contary.. i dont know why *you will see me in a different light even though you never confront me about your feelings.. i am sure we can talk things out.. why put our friendship in jeopardy.. me, being loquacious, will definitely have the tendency to just start blabbering to someone.. even though i am not really really close to them.. so long as i know them and i did talk to them before.. if any of my friends need help, i will try my best to aid them in any possible ways.. there are no hidden agenda.. so would you not assume anything.. i am not what you think i am and i am not doing anything despicable.. i know i cant do anything to change your opinion but i am not giving up on this friendship.. i know that if i continue playing my role as a friend, even if it is one-sided.. i would definitely reap what i sow..

Angela: thanks for the outing today.. haha.. it was great.. hope you did enjoyed yourself as i enjoyed talking to you.. haha.. but you are kum gong la.. haha.. didnt tell me you wanna go for the book fair even though we are suntec.. and nice eating.. haha.. the plum lime juice was cheap and good.. haha.. our next hang out place yea? hahaha.. : )

extra lessons

2005-05-31T00:43:00.000+08:00

i am damn sian la.. tomorrow have to go to school like at 8am.. but well..nvm bout that cause the bball girls are going to play ball together.. this is the condition for our pizza treat from coach at pizza hut.. haha.. but from 10-11am there is the stupid maths lecture on trigo approximation... argh.. haha.. damn boring la.. furthermore kwang seng asked to go for coffee and i cant make it, and kelvin asked to go for lunch and i cant make it too.. because of school.. tsktsk
on wednesday, joyce asked me to go zouk with her but i cant go cause ym is out and he dont like me to club.. then coincidentally, kwang seng also asked me to go double o with him to attend his friend's birthday and i cant go too.. so i have to reject him like twice.. feel damn bad.. but ya.. oh well.. today mark chat with me.. didnt realise he got into an accident and lost part of his memory.. damn sad la.. ym's fren gary also gt into an accident and lost his memory.. highlighted to me how i take my memories for granted, and how fragile life is.. hmn.. keke..oh.. ym had agreed that i could pierce my lips.. wheee... haha.. wanted to do it tmr but because of school, i decided to postpone it to end of oct.. like when there is the end of year hols.. yupyup.. i am delirious!!! :)

threshold of pain?

2005-05-29T23:47:00.000+08:00

OK.. thats it.. although i am bored at home, i realised that i am too lazy to go out.. argh.. furthermore, when i go out, i've discovered that i spend more money on food instead of anything else.. wahaha.. damn pig la.. oh well.. what to do.. haha..
anyway, i have just re-pierced my naval today.. i think HP is a more zai piercer than Gerald.. cause like when she pierce, at least i dont really feel the needle going in and coming out.. so i believe she is faster.. haha.. now i am in a dilemma la.. i dunno whether to get my incanto dream or to pierce my lips.. hmnn.. seriously dunno what to choose.. ARGH..
tmr got no school.. felix they all are going to town.. dunno whether i should go cause i am really too lazy.. but i always like pangseh them so feel quite bad.. sigh.. shall decide tmr den.. :)

tomorrow tomorrow i love ya tomorrow

2005-05-19T14:32:00.000+08:00

this post is dedicated to nanny n.. hahaha.. i cant wait for tomorrow.. seriously.. i cant wait to see what happens.. i cant wait to be your cupid.. i cant stand the anticipation.. i hope he will come thou.. and you mustn let this chance slip by.. haha

many things had happen thus far.. but ya.. dont wanna elaborate on it.. just know that i so have to save up.. haha.. for the many upcoming events.. humphh.. things are going kinda smoothly now.. my granduncle is now out of the hospital.. and i finally got to realise how cute he actually can be.. oh wells.. june holiday is arriving.. great!!! haha.. and tomorrow is a slack day cause it is sports carnival and bball training is cancelled so that we would be able to catch the bball finals..
**cant wait to see joycetan.. :)

my granduncle

2005-05-04T15:53:00.000+08:00

Devoted to My Granduncle:

Your naggings,
your complains,
your every move,
makes me distraught.
I resent you,
your eccentricity.
Your mere presence,
sends my blood boiling.
I cant wait,
cant wait
for you to go.
But everything seems to happen
so suddenly,
so arubptly.

You're weak now,
you're letting go.
I know you'll pull through,
c'mon PROVE to me
Seeing you so defenceless,
so small and stick thin.
My heart just ache
so badly
so suddenly.
Memories of you,
flooded my mind.
And salt water just,
wells in my eyes.

You used to be good at drawing,
you taught me how.
To draw eight-legged crabs,
that looked so real.
I wont forget,
your queer habit,
of cleaning your eyes,
with your jade bracelet.
I miss the way,
you mispronounced my name.
The funny way,
i am used to called
LOLA.
You offered,
to lend us money.
To look for you,
when we need help.
We need aid now ,
cant you tell.
c'mon wake up,
erase our frowns.

Let us feel your presence,
once again.

- h o l d o n -

E x h a u s t e d

2005-05-03T21:44:00.000+08:00

thailand was fun
it was great
everything was cheap
life was so simple
troubles were chuffed aside
but thailand is over
now i am back to reality
thailand was a dream
and i've finally woken up

i feel like giving up
like suddenly i envy those who dont have to study
just stick with a simple job
dont have to strive to earn big bucks
just so long as they are happy
have enough to eat
have a shelter to live in

i feel weak
like suddenly i cant take all the stress anymore
dont know how to cope
feel so tired
everyday
without fail
no motivation to carry on
still got a long way before i graduate
still have to go through the same thing everyday

i dont know whats on my mind
luckily he understands
fortunately he is there to catch my fall
he is the only one who have really seen my weak side
seen me faltering
seen me cry out loud
i am grateful
really
thanks dear

what can i do now
(nothing)
where do i start anew
i wonder if anyone else is feeling the way i do
cause it really sucks
nothing can be done
nothing can be changed
we just have to endure
just have to put up with all the crap

furthermore
it doesnt help
having a home tutor who expects FULL attention
who demands so much
who is so unpredictable
and who enjoys seeing the word fear written all over your face
i dont deny that he is good
but he makes me loathe his lessons
loathe the subjects
loathe school
loathe myself for choosing the path i have chosen

- if only i could turn back time -
if only i could
i will not repeat my mistakes

Boeing Boeing

2005-04-25T20:49:00.000+08:00

Boeing Boeing was a superb play.. went to watch it with ym yesterday night.. the cast were fabulous, they can imitate the japanese slang and hong kong slang super well.. you could even be mistaken that they are really from that particular country... the plot was fantastic.. and it was hilarious as well as exciting.. woah.. haha..

Back to a sadder tone, cj bball girls as well as guys team are officially out.. we cant even make it to second round.. how sad can.. we could have won today la.. but those MJ girls were so rough.. cant take it.. sigh.. the guys too.. although they played well, the fighting spirit they had that particular night at KL was gone.. that spirit, that power, that unity, that strength... they seem to have left it in KL.. That night's game was really exciting.. our guys played like they've never tasted defeat before.. they were so enthusiastic.. so serious about getting every ball in.. it was awesome.. sigh.. our guys are good.. and our girls too.. too bad training with them has ceased as j2 have to prepare for their a's.. i know the new team members are gonna be nice, but its not gonna be the same anymore.. we wont be as close or perhaps as eccentric as we are now.. i am sure i am gonna miss them all.. sigh.. oh wells..

Fahy's on course

2005-04-19T21:02:00.000+08:00

Whats the good news? Fahy is on a course for a week!! t7 dont have to see him for a week.. tell me, is there anything better? haha.. well, along with the good news, there are also the bad news.. the guys lost to YJC by 2 points.. we were initially leading by 10 pts can?? sigh.. its so saddening.. we could have won, the guys could have beaten YJ.. they only caught up at the last quarter when the time left was so little.. if only there was more time, if only wern sheng didnt get foul out by mistake, if only YJ no.12 fouls were counted correctly, if only andrew had played, if only our guys weren't so nervous.. if only...... sigh.. the girls lost, 67-35 to JJC.. we admitted defeat as Sheryl Poon was really good.. she is like in the National team la, and her 3-pointers are like 90% accurate.. her skills are like even better than our guys.. even coach said she was the best national player she had seen in the national youth team.. at least we didnt lose more than half, and the girls played well.. kudos to all the people in the team!! today miss mass pe cause we are allowed to go shoot ball instead due to our bball tournament.. haha.. it was damn slack la.. hopefully we can pon mass pe like that forever... haha

sorry

2005-04-16T14:11:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to 'you' : I am sorry.. I lack the guts to apologise to you face to face so i think that perhaps the other alternative is to apologise to you online.. I didnt realise i was such a lousy friend until what had just happened.. initially, i felt that i should just let things be and not talk to you anymore, so as to prevent you from feeling so hurt with my insensitivity. but it was hard, and i was glad you talked to me.. to me, i actually didnt know what went wrong, as everytime we are talking in a group, its either you are very eccentric and join in those crazy conversations, or you are quiet and reserved because you are too caught up with msging someone or talking on the phone, thats why, i thought maybe its better to leave you alone as i presume that once you are done, you will definitely join in.. i admit i do get piss when sometimes, you are talking to someone and i am left alone.. but i guess during these times, such things are inevitable.. so i just kept quiet about it and after awhile, everything is fine.. i am so sorry i've caused you so much hurt, and also, i am sorry for changing your perception about friends.. i really didnt mean it.. girl.. you have given me hope and trust that true friends do exist.. remember i told you about all the things that happen between me and my good friend last time.. well, you are otherwise.. i am glad i've known you and i wouldnt want our friendship to be broken due to matters, whether they are trivial or not.. i am sure we can work things out together.. :)

back to today, the girls played a match with scgs, we won 60-35.. yes!!! haha.. it was exhilarating.. yesterday went kbox with chok and angela, only reached home at 3 plus.. therefore, i am back home so early today so that i could catch some rest.. hahaha.. anyway, ym is gone for 3 days already.. wonder how is he coping over there and whether he is getting enough sleep and food.. hope he perform to his expectations too, or else, he would be upset..but well, on a lighter tone, time will pass very fast and soon he'll be back.. keke.. i think i should go and get some rest.. feeling kinda drowsy now

Innova!!!!

2005-04-13T20:31:00.000+08:00

Today's match with innova jc was superb.. our guys were great.. we won 54 - 40.. whee.. haha.. watching them play is just so exciting.. yup.. girls played too, but due to the rain, we only played one quarter, but we won 14 - 9.. nice shotS angela.. ;) We got our school jerseys today.. they are very nice and comfortable.. i likeeeeeeee~~

ym is going to japan tomorrow.. sigh.. guess i will be alone? anyway, i bought food for him, so that he can eat while he is in japan.. furthermore the food there is expensive.. well, his food includes:
1* a packet of bbq LAYS
2* a big packet of KOKO Krunch
3* a box of chocolate chip muesli bars
4* a big packet of instant mashed potato
5* packet of groundnuts
6* 2 boxes of Jacobs Sunlife biscuits
7* pasta and a bottle of pasta sauce
8* Herseys hot chocolate
9* Nescafe hot mocha
10* Curry maggi mee
11* Korean maggi mee

Hope its enough for him to share around with his friends too.. yup.. suddenly, it is just so hard for me to smile thinking that i finally get to spent my weekends without him.. sigh

hey charles

2005-04-11T21:11:00.000+08:00

"yes charles, go charles, good job charles" haha.. this is the irritating name of the week i tell you.. everything also charles.. who is charles.. haha.. the guys bball team is screwed up la.. now everyone is called charles.. stupid kenneth started it all i think.. or is it pei siang?? and now.. even i am charles..
"charles, do u want a drink charles?"
argh... haha.. anyway, the guys won today.. nice match.. one word to describe our guys.. GUAILAN.. hahaha..
taking bus with pei, kenneth and yu cheng is also an ardous task.. i didnt know guys gossip so much.. haha.. oh well

dilemma

2005-04-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

I LOVE YOU.. i dare say i love you.. why? why must you continue to be this way.. why must you not call me back when i hang up the phone.. why do you not care about what i am doing when you are not around.. why wont you wanna come out and meet me on a sunday even if i am with my japanese friends.. why..? when you hang up the phone i'll definitely call back.. even if i am the one who hung up the phone, i will definitely call you back after some time if you dont call me back.. why cant you do the same? army eats up so much of your time.. so whenever you are free.. i would definitely wanna be with you.. even if you are going out with your friends or going to ram's shop.. but clearly, you are the opposite of me.. i cant take it.. i really love you.. thats why it hurts me so much when you dont call me back.. its like you dont care about me anymore.. i dunno how to convey to you how i am feeling inside.. i dont even know how to explain myself.. its like i wanna forgive you but after awhile, you do something that gets on my nerve.. i always threaten to break up nowadays as i really dunno what to do.. i know if this relationship is over, i will be real sad.. but someone please tell me what to do.. guide me.. please.. i dont feel happy anymore.. as in genuinely happy.. in front of my friends, i can laugh, i can joke, i can humour others but deep down inside, i know a part of me has died.. i am happy, but only for awhile..

Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you again
I would sacrifice
Cuz the feeling that I feel within
No other man would ever make me feel so right
Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night
But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me
I miss the way you hold me tight

I gotta let you know
I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know
I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

Thats right baby
I'm going crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me
Yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me
I'm in love with you baby
-going crazy-
natalie

shagged

2005-03-28T22:14:00.000+08:00

hmn.. i am so darn bored now.. ym just came back from the biketrial meeting that is held at lavendar.. well.. today was ok la.. got my new class and as expected, everybody in my class are still together.. only that there are four new comers that are "taking over" Karl, Denise, XinJie and Sue anne... Orientation was oh-so-boring.. went to play bball and some j1s joined us, so together we pon orientation and got into trouble.. hahaha.. the benedict facil is damn act big la.. wanted to brink to mr tan jek suan.. oh please la.. luckily we were rescued.. haha.. oh well.. continued playing bball from 2 onwards till training start.. damn shagged.. really.. was so tired.. but it was great la.. had fun.. cause nerissa is now back training with us again.. how i miss her.. haha.. stupid grace now cannot run as much le.. due to her cold.. so ya.. sian la.. shoot some balls with kai juan and vidya den we went back home le.. tmr going sentosa.. how sian la.. argh.. but bo bian still have to go.. oh ya.. Fahy is my home tutor la.. he is like how strict can.. jialat.. like that how i pon sch to go bangkok.. heck la.. hahaha..

Oriantation '05-02

2005-03-24T19:36:00.000+08:00

Orientation has started.. and its damn boring.. cause we've been through it so many times and this time, we really don't bother to make friends with anyone anymore.. haha.. lazy la..

Sometimes, its hard to let go.. but what i am going through now is totally absurb.. i don't understand why can't we just go through many days without bickering.. i am sick and tired of this.. its not that my feelings had faded, in fact, it had grown stronger since the day he'd left.. i had done my utmost best.. but i am still struggling.. i don't know how much more effort i have to put in.. ultimately, it still appears to me that i am the only one trying.. i don't deny the fact that you've put in effort.. but it is just so minimal.. i detest how you always want to remain silent and how pride is so important to you.. personally, i don't think that pride is that important.. although it does matter.. but is it worth to quarrel just because you feel that you are being "embarrassed".. everyone have their limits and i have already been pushed over my limits.. why don't you just put yourself in my shoes.. i have no more strength to cry out loud, to tell you how agonised i am.. i just have to swallow my tears and be like you.. pretend that everything is alright.. can't you tell its a facade.. can't you feel that i am going to explode any minute.. can't you just give me hope to go on.. you can sleep.. you can pretend everything is alright.. but you can't erase the fact that every single thing is slowly building up in my mind, enforcing how bad the situation is and how much better it will be to just let go.. there is no doubt that i will be sad.. but i feel that there is no point dragging this on..

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

-Jet-
Look What You've Done

Back

2005-03-18T15:35:00.000+08:00

I am back from KL.. how i wish the trip was longer.. it was so much fun.. firstly, the teams there were strong, but the matches were exciting.. the guys team performed damn well la.. especially the match with the mixed guys team.. they played till 11+pm la.. haha.. then like alot of our better guys got fouled out.. the referee damn kayu la.. the last match the girls played, also very nice!! wheeeeee
During the trip, the guys inner characters were finally revealed.. Pei Siang damn screwed up one la.. haha.. dont see his decent "no joke" face.. he is actually like Kenneth (which is damn screwed up).. hahaha... Danny also la.. he is the hokkien beng of the cjc guys bball team, aka the sia lan tao, the lao da of Julian, the sia lan kia.. Julian cannot stop talking la.. like a machine gun.. then got Eric.. Eric also la.. damn vulgar.. haha.. And Yu Cheng open his mouth when he sleeps.. hahaha... Brock still the same la.. always guai lan people.. haha.. but sometimes when he is normal, he is nice! can you imagine it?? hahahahaha.. During the matches, the J1 guys performed damn well la.. especially Hong Hin, Ju Guan and TERENCE.. haha.. Terence is on form 24/7 la.. he is damnnnnn good... and when Ju Guan play, he can want the ball but not his life la.. kept on diving to get the ball and when he fall down, he can spring up immediately.. haha. Hong Hin is the underdog la.. Angela likes to watch his play.. ooooooohhhhhh.. hahaha.. oh ya.. almost forgot to mention, Terence is also damn screwed up la.. Kenneth spilled the beans of Terence's stupidity.. haha.. his jokes are like damn stupid la.. hahahahaha.. for instance, the guy who use the last bit of the UNO gel have to say "Uno".. hahahahaha...etc!!!
Going to Kenneth's, Peisiang's, Terence's, Yucheng's room is fun, cause Kenneth is damn stupid and irritating.. and they got lots of food.. haha.. Danny's, Julian's, Wern Sheng's room also fun, cause they always so full of crap.. (other than Wern Sheng cause he seldom talk).. Playing the Indain Poker at their room was fun.. haha.. The players includes.. Danny, Julian, Brock, Ju Guan, Eric, Koon Ting, Hong Hin, Nerissa and me.. Hong Hin had to drink the whole "Hot Bowl".. damn sick la.. then Julian keep wanting to vomit after he dring.. haha.. Brock, Danny and Julian damn what la.. fancy bullying the two of us, and say they won.. not gentlemanly at all man.. haha.. we only left their room at like 4+am la, and we have to wake up at 6am and check out of the hotel at 7.45am.. ner and i only woke up at 7.45am la.. so paiseh.. cause we late, den everyone had to wait for us.. haha.. the second night the guys all went to eat supper never jio la.. luckily grace and i found them.. hahaha.. they damn funny la.. bio the most can make it prostitute.. then they eat alot la.. haha. many many more!!!
Last but not least, sleeping with Nerissa was good.. Cause she is clean and she is neat.. hahaha.. and she is nice to talk to at night.. hahaha.. keke.. shall end here.. my nephew asked me to write -the end-.. haha... :D

KL

2005-03-14T22:53:00.000+08:00

Angela ask me to update my blog.. so here i am.. haha.. just wanted to say i am going off to KL tmr.. wheeeeeeeeeeee

dogs

2005-02-20T13:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was quite fun.. was online for awhile.. was supposed to go for the sa funfair but well, something cropped up.. so elson came to ym house with a golden retriever.. damn cute la.. its a female.. i think larry would go crazy if he had seen her.. but, she was kinda scared of everything and larry is much gentler then her.. the way she drinks water is just horrible.. hahaha.. then we went to elson house and there was this cute and friendly dog which looks like a bulldog.. she is like damnnn friendly la.. she practically licked my whole face including my lips.. after that, we went to bishan park.. ym and elson went to cycle and again, i just look.. we saw a malay guy and a chinese girl kissing.. haha.. and when we were going back.. we purposely walk pass them as they were like going to the extreme.. then ym went to make fun of them by commenting on what they were doing very loudly.. haha.. damn funny.. we went back to ym house to bathe and change then we head to orchard to watch hide and seek.it was nice, very thrilling.. but overall, not as good as i expected it to be.. hmn.. orchard was damn pack yesterday due to the chingay performance.. after our movie, it was 11pm+ and there were still shops open in cine and the streets still had quite a number of people.. we walked to kopitiam to have our dessert then we went back.. :D

food

2005-02-17T20:57:00.000+08:00

i haven been blogging.. haha.. but well.. i am saving up now.. to get ym an ipod shuffle.. hopefully can get the 1GB one.. hmnn.. i am missing the raw salmon from the japanese restaurant at wisma.. the sashimi there was superb.. haha.. thanks to ym for bringing me there.. wheeee.. anyway.. i am kinda confused about what i am thinking right now.. so ya.. haha.. tmr is friday.. and soon saturday.. hahaha.. then we have no school.. wow.. haha.. and last but not least.. tmr training is cancelled!!!!

Acupuncture

2005-02-06T15:33:00.000+08:00

Its damnnnnn pain.. went to see the chinese physician coach introduced me to at amk.. he was massaging my feet and everywhere he pressed was super duper pain.. before i know it, he took out a pack of needles.. Acupuncture.? yes! he injected 3 needles in my foot.. one near the protruding bone, the other at the back of my feet, the hemstring there, and the last one on my muscle.. it was so painful la.. and to make things worse, he kept twisting the needles.. OUCH!!! i can feel electric currents inside the my sole la.. luckily its over now

Shopping

2005-02-05T22:13:00.000+08:00

To commemorate the arrival of chinese new year, my font is in red.. cool right.. haha.. anyway, i was surprised i can come online... wheeee.. after quite a while.. hmn.. today ym and i went on a shopping spree.. haha.. it was damn fun.. he bought this damnnnn nice guess watch la.. as well as a limited edition adidas shoes, puma shirt, puma socks and, a puma jacket for me.. damn nice.. its abit maroon in colour.. well.. we bought like 2 boxes of some octopus sashimi thingy which cost like $9 for a small box and the cool thing is it can last for 3mths and taste like it is still fresh.. haha.. we also bought a box of fresh seaweed from Hokkaiido.. haha.. yum yum.. haha..we've concluded that we spent quite alot.. for me, i've spent about $400+ excluding the stuffs he bought for me, as for him, he spent $600+.. haha.. he is really la.. yup.. shall end here.. got to go check my other stuffs.. :D

13th mth anniversary

2005-01-25T21:53:00.000+08:00

Today is ym and my 13th month anniversary!! wow.. time really flies!!
hmn.. today was a rather long day in school.. ended at 5.30pm la.. haha.. but it was quite fun suaning malcolm, karl and BJ.. there is girl "stalking" BJ la.. haha.. damn funny.. nerissa came late to school today cause she had an appointment with the orthopaedic.. well.. i miss her.. haha.. went to buy a cake for hui qian after school cause her birthday is tmr.. bought a small cake but when fanelle called later on, i realised the cake i bought was too small, so ym and i went to buy another one from bread talk.. the small cake was from St Leaven, looks kinda delicious.. haha.. fanelle bought a bikini for her that we are to share.. didnt stay for dinner as i am really really broke.. anyway, i found out that huiqian got attached on the 050105 and fanelle was on 150105 and mine was on 251203.. our date is all multiples of 5.. haha.. so cool la..tmr is bball training.. don't know if i really should quit cause i will really miss bball trainings.. hmn.. shall see how tmr goes.. :)

fun

2005-01-22T13:57:00.000+08:00

yesterday was supposed to go to karl's house for barbeque.. but i decided not to go at last as i felt like going shopping with my younger sister daphne.. met quite a number of cjcians in town.. saw bj going down the escalator and i saw gregory going up the escalator.. they both looked so blur.. the shopping spree was fruitful and we were both happy with what we've bought.. I called my elder sister debbie to asked her if she wanna go karaoke and she agreed.. the three of us went karaoke together and it was cute to see debbie jiejie and daphne gushing over their guys.. haha.. first time the three of us go out together.. isn't it sweet.. haha.. daphne called mum to inform her that we'll be back late and my mum didn't believe the three of us were out together.. she even asked us why we didn't ask dad and her along.. hahaha.. cute.. debbie jiejie paid for the karaoke session while i paid for the cab home.. we reached home about 3+am.. was fun.. today stayed at ym's house while he went cycling.. boredom.. had been talking to nerissa for like an hour plus or so.. girl.. dont so sad and stressed over it k.. i know how u feel and seriously.. i am starting to detest what he is doing to you.. you deserves better k.. believe me.. i am sure there are better people out there.. and its cool to be a bachelorette

Oh yeah, this is for all you single ladies out there
This is for you
Yeah

I'm not waiting around for a man to save me Cos I'm happy where I am
Don't depend on a guy to validate me No, no
I don't need to be anyone's baby Is that so hard to understand
No I don't need another hand to make me
Make your move if you want
Doesn't mean I will or won't
I'm free to make my mind up
You've either got itor you don't

This is my cover: Single status
My Declaration of Independance
There's no way I'm trading places right now
With stars in mean attendance
SINGLE
That's how I wanna be
SINGLE
That's how I wanna be

Single
-Natasha Bedingfield-

fine now

2005-01-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

hmn.. i am fine now.. i am recovering fast.. haha.. i guess everything was just superficial.. but ya.. this yr had been quite good so far.. got to know more pple and realise that they are all nice.. haha.. the brownies in school is damnnnnn nice la.. haha.. today mrs sng was being totally bitchy and cynical.. while malcolm as usual, is so full of crap.. he and felix actually took over mrs sng lessons.. haha.. cat high guys are screwed up la.. keke.. shall not over generalise.. well.. i think i am not losing a fren anymore.. we are starting to talk abit again.. well well.. shall blog again soon.. i am just blabbing everything that is on my mind now.. haha..:)

no mood

2005-01-15T08:51:00.000+08:00

I've got no mood to go to school anymore..
No mood to play basketball..
No mood to look around for people..
No mood to smile..
And no mood to blog so frequently..
Since you've been gone..
I guess i need a little more time to recuperate..

hmn.. when i was thinking of you.. this poem just came to my mind:

I finally realise,
That dreams are a bunch of lies.
It opened up me eyes,
And made me see how far i've crossed the line.
My tears are about to dry,
I really didn't want you to fly.
In the darkness you're my light,
When i'm lost you're my guide.
I know i'm just trying to hide,
The fact that you're to alight,
From all the memories that made my feelings collide.

-dreams ain't my reality-

School

2005-01-05T20:32:00.000+08:00

Haven been blogging for some time already.. well, now all i have to say is that school reopened!! haha.. its fun being in j1 again.. cant feel the stress everyone is facing YET.. anyway, i dont think i am prepared for it either.. its great making new friends.. ashlee (if thats how u spell his name) and shaun are damn guai lan la.. haha.. and gregory is a major ponner.. BJ and malcolm are lame to the core la.. but at least BJ is smarter.. haha.. and last but not least, kenny is not that bad afterall.. haha.. and today i found out that my class aint that bad as they have screwed up mentality as well.. haha.. hmn.. yes yes..i am avoiding someone again.. my sense of guilt will devour me alive.. but ya.. sigh.. AND.. the main point is ching yu is going to leave this coming wednesday.. 12 january.. argh.. oh well.. as quoted from kenneth, there's no everlasting feast in the world.. and i should be thankful i got a share of it.. sian..

christmas eve

2004-12-24T13:41:00.000+08:00

Hmn.. today dont really give me the festive season feeling.. well.. haha.. hope tomorrow will be better.. yea.. i feel bad.. like caught in the middle.. dont enjoy lying to anyone and i hate the feeling.. i hope i wont end up spilling the milk cause both parties will end up suffering.. argh..

It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who is the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?
And where are you now, now that i need you
Tears on me pillow, wherever you go
Cry me a river, that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apartIn the words of the broken heart

It's just emotions that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my soul
But if you will come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world
To hold me tight
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

Emotions
-Destiny's Child-

BBQ

2004-12-23T18:40:00.000+08:00

hmn.. on tuesday the guys had match with acjc.. i am so glad they won as it was chingyu's last game with the team.. anyway, yesterday's bbq was quite fun la.. haha.. almost the whole girls team went but as for the guys, only chingyu, desmond, yucheng, brock and leonard went.. it was fun cooking the food for them.. i was happy again.. and like what angela said, it would add another chapter in my memory booklet before he leaves.. ah well.. we stayed till 4am sitting at the beach.. and some cheapo people actually stole two bottles of our coke and angela's cool water tumbler.. tsktsk.. the sand was nice, and there were plenty of stars.. angela actually wanted to stay till the sun rise but ya, i didnt want to sleep on the beach.. next time i will go and watch the sun rise with you k, angela.. i think i am screwed up la.. i feel bad.. argh.. anyway, today was a boring day.. played basketball alone at ang mo kio while ym ride his bike.. saw koon ting.. hmn.. thats about all for today.. cant stop thinking..

house warming

2004-12-19T21:22:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was fun.. went to joyce's house warming.. it was fun meeting up with my secondary school friends and recalling the stupid things we did in the past.. haha.. i remembered our biscuit thieves incident, and joyce is now the burger thief for stealing her brother's burger.. hahaha.. gossiped about the present life of our school laughing stock.. for instant.. elaine tan (BNG) and her overwhelming passion for singing.. haha.. well.. saw some of joyce's old pic.. oh man.. she looked older than her mother when she was a kid.. hahahaha.. keke.. i bet she is really embarrassed about it.. well.. it was fun.. and linette, eunice and i missed the last train home.. haha.. nad we have not enough cash to take a cab home.. so we took a bus from the ulu punggol to downtown east, and eunice's sister and mum came to pick us up from there.. the feeling that i had when i reached home was so good i cant explain it in words.. haha.. try getting stuck at some ulu place and you will understand how i felt.. anyway, i was sad when i told ym i was stuck and he was rather nonchalant about it.. but, the reaction i got when i told *him i was stuck was so different from ym's reaction.. he was worried and he even called me to ask me how come i was stuck and how am i planning to get out of that place.. even though he was in the midst of playing lan.. i was touched.. he even told me to message him to inform him if i was able to get home safely and to also inform him once i reached home.. thanks again.. well.. today i received another "prank" call from er.. his friends.. and seriously, it didnt annoy me but ym was furious.. he wanted to scold them and we almost quarrelled over it.. hmn.. i guess ym was just concerned and maybe too sensitive.. well, i am glad it is over and i managed to prevent ym from calling.. we went to watch blade trinity and it was not bad.. although the ending was not as good as i've expected.. met joyceh, angela and joyceh's friend while i was going to buy popcorn.. oh ya.. i dont understand why today nobody recognised me la.. i smiled at cai yuan but he gave me the weird look like as if he didnt know me, and i walked pass kaijuan and edwin and they too didnt recognised me.. what the.. haha... keke.. maybe i am just insignificant yea.. hahaha

played ball!!!

2004-12-18T14:28:00.000+08:00

Played ball today with angela, leonard, michael and ching yu!! it is the best basketball game i've ever played.. too bad it came so late.. just when he is about to leave.. but i am thankful that i've got such a chance.. it creates a new chapter in my memory "booklet".. thank you.. went to get them 100plus from Esso.. and when i got back, er yan and angel was there too.. i am happy today.. really.. therefore this entry is in a different colour.. nerissa is encouraging me but i am afraid.. i am about to lose my footing.. i don't know what am i supposed to do.. i wanted to just wait for this coming week to pass and try to force myself to erase him from my mind.. but could i really achieve it..? would i come to regret it..? i am not sure.. lets just see how things go.. anyway.. i want to thank a special someone for being so nice to me.. i really appreciate it.. too bad we got closer to each other at the wrong time.. if not everything might be different now.. yup..

too fast

2004-12-17T17:42:00.000+08:00

everything is speeding.. things are happening faster than i ever thought it would.. firstly, i feel bad.. i am tripping, am falling.. whose hand would i grab when i am falling.. whose eyes would i looked into deeply and say thank you.. i am confused.. -dilemma- secondly.. he is leaving.. ching yu is leaving.. i am never going to see him again after this coming week cause basketball trainings are coming to a halt and school's reopening.. and he.. is leaving.. i never thought this day would arrive so fast.. and as i sat down reminiscing about what had been happening this year.. i could feel my tears choking me.. tears aint gonna roll down my cheeks no more.. memories are meant to be kept in my heart.. especially fond memories.. they are gifts meant to make me happy and not sad.. so i shall stick to that.. i like that particular day when you came by with the letter, the day when you tried to help me with the tables and chairs, how you made my maths lectures memorable.. furthermore.. this year, i had made a nice friend and i've lost him, due to my unintentional reaction to what was "given" to me.. i am sorry about that and i have learnt from my mistake.. bringing me back to the situation i am in now.. i wont lose another friend but this time.. everything is different.. it is a feeling that can make me smile.. it is not exhilarating, it does not gives me butterflies in my stomach.. but it is certainly heartwarming.. and i feel bad welcoming this feeling.. argh.. i am in a lost for words.. haha.. and i am truly lost in my own world..

We use to go for coffee and we use to go to talk,
Remember times we use to share and soon they'll all be gone
Sunny days and summertimes wont be the same again,
You've gone away, not fade away
There's no telling when...Things will be the same,
You're gone and i'm here to stayI'm going away,
My feeling will not change
Friends forever, Give or Take

Give or Take
-Pug Jelly-

official trainings start!

2004-12-14T20:14:00.000+08:00

hmn.. haven been posting this few days.. well, went to watched without a paddle yesterday.. it was hilarious.. haha.. today have training with coach.. she is back from china!! i had chicken rice before training and miraculously, i didn't have stitch.. ah well.. training was damn tough.. coach was obviously trying to suck up all our energy.. but ya.. we survived.. keke.. the older girls came back.. i think 2 of them were nice.. but one of them.. ya.. nothing to say la.. keke.. tomorrow got match with the overseas family school.. don't know how to get there but i know the others would.. yea!! shall end here.. :D

national treasure

2004-12-10T20:39:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, was supposed to meet angela.. but i met up with nerissa first.. ya.. i really don't like brock.. keke.. after we met up with angela, we went to eat macs followed by walking around orchard aimlessly.. well, kenneth informed me about andy lau being in j8 so i managed to dragged both of them with me.. haha.. leonard came halfway too, probably because he didn't know we were actually waiting for andy lau in the crowd.. haha.. got this pervertic guy in the crowd la.. he actually wanted to pass me his hp no. on a slip of paper.. haha.. scary.. oh well.. after that, nerissa went home and the rest of us went orchard.. went scotts for dinner and angela spilled my $2 lime juice in the toilet.. haha.. how can she.. and my nose bled again.. the 6th consecutive time.. well.. later we went to play pool, couldn't believe i actually agreed to go but ya.. went home after that.. went to watch national treasure today.. it is real nice and it had got to do abit with the the story "angels and demons".. about the masons and the brotherhood thingy, as well as the triangular sign on the US one dollar bill.. so ya, its really nice.. go catch it.. ;)

wednesday

2004-12-08T19:43:00.000+08:00

didn't post for two days.. haha.. well, monday we had training.. it was not very tiring and also, kinda fun.. went out with kristin for lunch.. she is a nice girl to talk to.. only that she is still seemingly shy and softspoken.. well, she accompany me to surfbabe to get my slippers... hmn.. yesterday, i had to go see brother paul.. i was very nervous and was quite intimidated by the thought of having to sit right in front of him and speak to him.. well.. my dad and i waited for like 45mins for him and we were only in the office for 15mins.. haha.. quite a waste of time.. my dad was crap la, he went into the office and shook brother's hand, then exclaimed "wow, nice view.. mountains and trees.." brother looked at my dad and said yes.. luckily he was smiling.. i can't help but burst out laughing.. well, i signed the contract already.. initially, i was relieved.. but after receiving jiaxiang's call telling me that brother refused to let him retain, my heart dropped.. all miss ban's fault.. wrote comments about jiaxiang that he was defiant and stuffs.. jiaxiang is not lor!!!!!!!! it is because of her own actions that aided jiaxiang's "bad" behaviour.. she ought to reflect on what harm she had caused jiaxiang.. the thought of her smiling at us just irks me now.. such a hypocrite.. the only heartwarming event that happened on tuesday was that my mum's shop was finally opened.. which explained why she didn't come along for the meeting with brother paul.. hope it won't be a reenactment of her last business flop.. haha.. yesterday my nose bled again.. for the forth consecutive day.. argh.. well.. today is a boring day.. stayed at home the whole day, finished reading "angels and demons" by dan brown.. it is the sequel before "da vinci code".. so i am going to read that next.. anyway, today, my boredom was curbed a little by leonard's messages and also by his friends using his phone to "prank" call me.. yup.. i think my nose might bleed again tonight.. sigh..

meeting

2004-12-05T17:56:00.000+08:00

Like eunice, i was eagerly anticipating the meeting with joyce tan yesterday.. but, she was like really latr la.. we were supposed to meet at 4.45pm and she only arrived at 7+ together with kane.. eunice and i were walking aimlessly around town, looking for movies that are available.. hmn.. met tian chin at the far east steps there, yup.. joyce came late and she left early la.. she left at 9.30pm leaving eunice and i to rot again.. haha.. well, didn't want to go home so early la, so eunice and i went to the haunted house in the silkpro funfair thingy.. its only $4 if you showed your student pass la.. so ya.. it was really scary so i got to grab hold of eunice's hand real tight.. haha.. there was a part where it was so foggy, we can't see where are we and where to head, i just had to hide behind eunice la.. she was probably scared too.. haha.. it was so bad that a "monster" came out to lead us out of that area as he said that something was wrong, there was too much smoke.. haha.. i bet eunice will have a nightmare when she gets home.. haha.. serves her right too, for laughing at me.. haha.. well, saw leonard near the skating rink there, so after i bought the ribena, i went to tap his shoulders, in hope that it will scare him.. but i failed.. haha.. eunice and i walked to the traffic light to discuss what should we do next.. saw joel and i told him i retained.. haha.. he said then why do i look so happy.. haha.. well, eunice went home as she had to be back by 10+, as i was walking her to the mrt station, leonard called me.. he was supposed to accompany me, so we met up and he said he only can meet me for awhile cause he going to his friend's house.. haha.. i was like "then why you still come and meet me".. haha.. he is funny la.. actually, was supposed to go out with him today but because i had to leave at 5pm to meet ym, he said forget it.. haha.. so i rot all the way till 5pm today.. k.. time for dinner ;)

sas

2004-12-03T21:16:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, our girls had a match with Anglican High, their captain was nice! haha.. and we were thrashed.. but now, our team have to train our speed!! that means, more suicide run.. haha.. anyway, today went to watch the guys play with st andrews.. the guys there are damn rough la.. no.14 elbowed kaeden and yu cheng la, and yu cheng actually apologised to him.. sigh.. our guys are nice la!! hmn.. anyway, it was nice watching the match.. our teacher in charge mr low is damn funny la.. he is the slackest teacher i ever met.. never even scold me after seeing my nose and tongue stud.. well, told him i retained, and he said lucky i was not taking physics.. haha.. wonder when angela is coming back.. hope her husband won't be missing her too much.. :D

retained

2004-12-01T21:43:00.000+08:00

today, i was watching a psychotic show when i got the news from lee hong that i am retained.. sigh.. it came as a shock.. started calling alot of people to tell them about the news.. sigh.. think jiaxiang and i have to go down to school and appeal to retain.. sigh.. went jack's place to eat.. then now back home blogging.. sian.. keke.. shall end here

kranji match

2004-11-30T19:42:00.000+08:00

hmn..today was a fine day.. rise and shine for the upcoming kranji match.. ner and i kind of followed some of the kranji students to get to our destination - kranji secondary school *ta-dahh* yup, watched the guys' match and they didn't do their best, maybe too tired.. we went to train and angie and i almost quarelled.. but it was my fault, so i went to apologise, felt real bad.. for our match, it was also good la.. angie is our zai devil.. haha.. so proud of her performance before she leave for beijing la... haha.. oh ya, not forgetting, the kranji girl players were rough la.. no.15 elbowed me and now, i've got a blue-black on my arm.. and, the no.5 is super pretty la.. really.. woah!! haha.. anyway, after match nerissa, angela and i went to have lunch with jacky and andrew.. jacky almost fought with the om la, cause he is such a pain in the ass.. fancy scolding jacky for wearing slippers when he is not even from his school, and a woman also commented on angela's tinted hair.. so irritating la.. yup, after lunch left the 3 of us, so we went orchard and slack..was real tired and i was going nuts.. haha.. later met up with kaeden, leonard and their friend cai yuan (i think).. so poor thing la, the three of them have to share a two persons chicken rice set.. hmn.. i guess cause we went there late.. ya.. nerissa was getting so tired, poor girl, so we left earlier.. sigh, i am having a throbbing headache now.. hope it will be better

presents

2004-11-29T21:33:00.000+08:00

Angela's words of wisdom: "zi wo yi huo - self doubt.its the worst.cos if you cant defeat your inner fears.you can never be the best."

Yesterday was another slack day so didn't bother to update my blog.. anyway, the day before me and ym went gary's house to play xbox and ps2 till like 3am, and now, i want to get a ps2... haha.. so ya, before training went to meet angela... haha.. then went to have a peek at her "husband" and he-girl.. she also reminded me that i am man-her.. haha.. yup.. today, training was exhausting... coach's training is intense man.. haha.. well.. its gd la, in a way.. todays training ended late and ym was angry with me.. at that point of time i really felt like shit.. i am having a tough time juggling basketball training, my friends and ym at the same time.. feel like giving up.. i also feel that its so tough having to mould my time into ym's ns schedule, and he like don't seem to understand.. but ya, after much of my ranting and his usual silence, everything became alright again and we went to have dinner with his parents.. when i got back, i was surprised to find a bodyshop paperbag in the room.. haha.. his sister was so sweet la, she got me a belated birthday present which includes, a cranberry shower gel, a cranberry shimmering body lotion, a raspberry lip balm, and a hairbrush.. haha.. oh well, not forgetting, nerissa's thoughtful souvenir from egypt.. it was so nice of her.. *winks*.. yup, just chat with nerissa on the phone and i am freak out too by her "witch", haha, you know who i am referring to ya.. :D

sigh

2004-11-27T16:54:00.000+08:00

hmn..today is another slack day.. in the morning had a tiff with ym because he suddenly didn't want to talk to me about something.. after much silence and tears, he finally said " i think your dad don't like me" haha.. he is silly la.. my dad is an untactful guy and ym is probably too sensitive, but i understand how he felt.. hmn.. was looking through some stuffs.. Reminiscing.. ah well.. anyway, later going to marina bay to eat steamboat with ym and gary.. its our favourite place to fill our stomachs.. haha

I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name for what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me
The ghost of you and me
When will it set me freeI hear the voices call
Following footsteps down the hall
Trying to save what's left of my heart and soul

-Ghost of You and Me-
BbMak

slack day

2004-11-26T19:19:00.000+08:00

today was a slack day for me.. woke up only at 1.50pm, when the sun started shining brightly on my face.. can't help but to just wince my eyes, stretched and get up.. furthermore, daphne's non-stop opening and closing my door aided in disturbing my sleep too.. she la, major disturbance!! haha.. wait till she reads this and starts nagging at me again.. haha.. yup.. was watching tv the whole day. when i watched, i thought about mongster again.. what mongster said and did, and what nerissa had been encouraging me to do before mongster disappears. aiya.. i am just hoping foolishly.. nothing lasts forever, and there's going to be an end to this.. whether or not its good or bad.. i know if i don't do something about it, i would regret forever, cause we are not going to talk no more, but there are just so many obstacles preventing me from doing so.. hmn.. this might make no sense to everyone reading it, but i am sure nerissa understands.. right? haha.. oh well.. before the unity match yesterday, kenneth messaged me, i just want to say that i am really not angry with him.. its just awkward k.. the same goes for nerissa and jiaxiang.. they are not angry with him too..
Hmn.. here i go again, just can't stop thinking..

Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying
Planning and dreaming each night of his charms
That won't get you into his arms
So if you're looking to find love that you can share
All you gotta do is hold him and kiss him and love him
And show him that you care
Show him that you care just for him
Do the things that he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him
Cause you won't get him
Thinking and praying
Wishing and hoping

-Wishing and hoping-
Ani Difranco

But thats what i'm going to do..

11 mth anniversary

2004-11-25T20:44:00.000+08:00

today is my eleventh month and i actually forgot about it.. luckily ym remembered.. ah well, but i am brooding over mongster.. sigh.. what the hell la.. argh..

unity match

2004-11-25T19:39:00.000+08:00

today was great, firstly, there was the unity match.. although i didn't get to play much, i was really proud of my team mates especially kai juan, daisy and joycie.. haha.. they were much zai-er la..yup, we were very close in the 3rd quarter but i think the last quarter we slack cause we thought we were definitely going to win.. haha.. oh wells, it was not that bad afterall and they are not that scary.. the guys did not played to their very very very best i think.. cause if they did, they would definitely win this match.. but andrew was zai la.. really.. nothing to say.. haha.. as for the rest, they were good too.. like wern sheng and ryan.. the duo pei siang and andrew can cooperate very well la.. haha.. ok.. then we ate at their canteen.. luckily leonard and kaeden helped me in finishing up my bee hoon.. we then set off for the nike fearless five competition.. it was so darn crowded la.. and the sun was so super bright.. haha... and guess what.. it rained later.. heavily!! so we decided not to play.. when we decided to play, it was too late as nerissa had to go home and i was "kidnapped" by hui qian and fanelle.. haha.. i think my team members were disappointed.. but ya, i still have to leave at six pm anyway to meet ym.. went cream bistro to eat but i had to leave shortly after to meet ym.. i am really so sorry hui qian and fanelle, if you are reading this.. really, sorry.. please forgive me :)

Anyone who ever held you
Would tell you the way i'm feeling
Anyone who ever wanted you
Would tell you what i feel inside
The only thing i ever wanted was the feeling that you ain't faking
The only one you ever thought about
Wait a minute can't you see that
I wanna fall from the stars
Straight into your arms
I feel you, i hope you comprehend

-Stars-
Simply Red

i am lousy!

2004-11-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

So i am lousy, but i don't need that kind of tone, nor the kind of look you flashed at me thinking that i didn't notice.. its amazing how friendships can be strained during trainings.. and after training, everything is alright.. is this a cycle of hypocrisy? i know that what i get are all constructive critism and remarks.. aimed at building up my skills.. but ya, there's a limit to giving such constructive critism during a short 4 hour or so training.. its just like when we are studying, there would be a point when you just can't absorb anymore and need a break.. therefore, if we are being said for doing the wrong thing and need to change, there would certainly be a point where we tend to get agitated, or maybe even depressed.. i don't know, just that today's training had the greatest impact on me since the unity match is tomorrow.. its like everyone is nervous, especially since i have no experience at all.. but all i am getting is not encouragement but rather, critical remarks telling me that if i do this we will lose or if i don't do this, they will score.. arghhh.. i know its for the welfare of the group and i know we don't want to lose this match.. me neither.. i know that we don't want our efforts to go down the drain.. i know i know i know, damn it! maybe i am just being self centered.. but this is how i am feeling today.. i won't stay this way long, tomorrow i will be fine, but just want to blurt out my feelings even though i might be rather blunt.. its just like the nike fearless 5 competition.. if you had just asked us whether we want to go there and have fun by mixing around or send one strong team that will at least make it.. we will definitely choose to send one team that will make it.. its for the glory of our school anyway... but what i saw was what i least expected, the people in the team was already chosen.. and after the team was chosen, we were then asked whether or not we want to send one team that will have higher chances of winning.. i mean come on, if its like this, what does it implies, that you all have already plan on wanting to win and the lousy ones ( not my team mates but me ) are cast aside.. whats the point of all these, even the guys are not joining la.. i really didn't want to go and nerissa is the only one who truely knew how i felt, so she said she will accompany me if i go.. thank god for her.. sigh.. i also want our team to win..who in the right mind won't.. fret not, i will be practising my shooting as and when i am free.. i don't need anyone's consolation. to say i am not lousy or that its not what i think it is.. i believe my eyes and i know i did improve but not enough to catch up.. right now i am not a sprinter, not a shooter, so what am i.. tomorrow is the competition and instead of playing guard like i did during usual training, i have to play forward which i only tried today and no one really really really concentrated on telling me where to run.. i am the only one who switch due to the lack of people in the team.. i am afraid i will screw up everything tomorrow.. argh.. well, on the brighter note, today met up with my sc friend joyce and joslyn.. haha.. it was fun catching up and we did lots of travelling.. from bugis to tampines and back to bugis.. haha.. she is damn funny la.. just like her old self.. really miss hanging out with her.. went great world city, was supposed to catch a movie with ym and debbie jiejie cause she got free tickets, but unfortunately, the show was m18 and i can't go in.. the man even said "at least you all get to redeem the free popcorn and drinks" that come along with the free tickets.. wa lao.. he think we cheapo.. haha.. k la.. ate the popcorn. met kimberly, asked her if she wanted free popcorn and drink but the guy with her said no.. then guess what, he went to the counter to buy a drink.. haha.. like hello~, ours is for free la..well, i also saw a cute furry rabbit i wanted to buy.. but its $280.. keke.. now i am back, hoping everything will be ok tomorrow.. keke.. shall end here..
P.S: i am not pin pointing on anybody on my blog k.. just not in a very good mood.. so ya.. sorry if i offended anyone k.. i am sincerly sorry.. just want to pour out my feelings.. no harm intended.. and i was not trying to be sacarstic.. sorry

back

2004-11-23T20:09:00.000+08:00

today had training but i wasn't feeling well.. had diarrhea and felt nauseous.. was so lethergic, even though training was not tough at all compared to our other trainings.. well, we played something like captain ball and it was tiring too la.. anyway.. my subs are over and i am still on the verge of danger as i don't know my result. s.e.a history was tough.. and jiaxiang said econs was tough too.. maths was ok, first time i knew how to do my papers.. but i think i lost about 30 marks.. aiya sian.. anyway, without nerissa here, i feel weird.. like constantly listless.. during training also not that hyper le.. she had been my close friend for about a year.. after an incident with my secondary school best pal, i felt that close/best friend don't exist at all but then came nerissa and she changed my whole perspective.. i am really glad i have found her and she knows practically everything about ym and my friends.. same goes for me.. she always find time to update me on the happenings of her life. and when one of us fall, the other one would definitely be there to lift a helping hand.. i would definitely not forget the times:
*we stood up for each other and scold vincent chong
*we sat around gossiping non stop for very long
*when we were having fun with the outcast gang
*we had on the way to school
*we cried
*we tried to run away from lessons as well as for sports day
*we look out for our eye candies in the morning
*the times we failed our maths and laugh together like as if it was a joke
*we assist each other in suaning someone
*we had together during training and all the stuffs we had to endure
*we both had a blue-black big toe
the best thing for me to retain is you girl.. you are going to be back on the 25th!!! yea!! haha.. can't wait to see you.. anyway, i kept your jersey with me.. and i've checked the sizes.. its correct.. hmn.. feel like eating mangoes now.. but ya, my house don't have.. oh ya.. met joyce tan today with yvonne.. wow, it had been ages since i met up with her.. she looked taller.. haha.. and her hair finally grew longer la.. she is still so bubbly and funny as before.. hope we can go out together soon.. she will know where she is posted to tmr i think.. hopefully it will be cj.. haha.. i am mega promoting the school to her.. tonight ym have to book in.. will strive to finish my sidney sheldon book by tonight.. i've got really nothing to do till i have to resort to re-reading all the books that i've already read la.. haha.. hopefully can go find a part time job with joyce :D

bye

2004-11-18T20:10:00.000+08:00

ought to be studying.. will be back again in full form tmr.. haha.. bye bye bye

study

2004-11-17T19:47:00.000+08:00

today was supposed to have training but in the end joyce and i was allowed to skip training so that we can study for our subs.. coach is nice la.. but only when she is not scolding us.. anyway, went to school earlier to study with joyce.. well, we had a wonderful chit-chat session and a "productive" studying history session.. haha.. wanted to have training one, but i dread running 3.6km.. ya.. anyway, i miss nerissa.. sigh...